Here it is midnight and again I am wide awake and avoiding bed.
Most nights I watch DVD's until I am so tired that I turn the TV off and fall asleep.
The silence is horrible...nothing to distract me and thoughts in my head.
I have so many conversations that play in my head...mostly the horrible conversation we had with her Specialist when he told us that she probably wouldn't make it through the night...but the worst is the phone call from John on 'that horrible Friday' telling me I have to get into the Hospital NOW! as they didn't think her heart would survive much longer...these conversations give me nightmares...bring me to tears and are a constant reminder of how much I miss our Princess and how it is killing me inside not having her here with me.
My body has adjusted quite well on a couple of hours of sleep each night..but we are not doing a lot as it is the school holidays and if I want to sleep in I can...but next week we are back to normal routines again.
When does it stop hurting...I am guessing the answer is never...it is just so unfair...how can life be so cruel!!!!
I would give anything for just another cuddle or to hear her laugh again...thankfully my brother got that on his mobile phone and a friend of his put it on a disc for us...but it just isn't the same...I just want my baby back...I miss her so much and I hate nights as this is when I notice it the most.
Thank you for reading my vent....