Well today is 3 months since my life changed forever and every day is still a struggle.
i thought this new song was nice and also appropriate....
'I would hold you in my arms
and take your pain away'
What I would do for one more cuddle, not to see the pain in my babies eyes...i still feel so robbed, and I am guessing this pain will never go away. But not only don't I have my baby girl, i didn't get to hold her for the last couple of months of her life as she was so swollen it hurt when she was picked up. I felt so guilty when I did pick her up for a quick cuddle that pain on her face was horrible to see.
I have been looking back at some of the photos and they bring me to tears...I just didn't notice the size of her belly, the pained looked in her eyes, as long as I got a smile I was happy. i guess going in daily I just grew used to seeing her and saw the light that wasn't meant to be...i would just picture that she had to go through this and then when she got her new liver she would catch up with all that she was robbed of.
So with the combination of christmas - which i am not feeling Christmassy at all and some important decisions that are on my mind constantly I have been withdrawing a bit...focussing on my family and not other things - as they are not what is most important to me at the moment and pety other things aren't worth worrying about.