Monday, May 21, 2007

In Limbo

Seriously how much crap can one family have flung at them...I really think that both John and I stepped on an ant that was the re-incarnation of Mother Theresa...last week we had another bombshell dropped on our completely out of left field, so in no way were we prepared for it...don't we deserve some happiness...for the first time in a long time I was starting to feel secure in our future...not worried about what was around the stress, just enjoying the process of picking everythng for the house and generally getting on with life and then BANG!!! I think we are entitled to a little bit of some of you may know we have had a hard time of things for the last 5 years or so (last year just made our life one hundered times worse) and just as there was light at the end of the tunnel, again we are knocked down...there is only so much of this that you can take and this got me to thinking...

I have been feeling kind of blah for weeks...first it was due to the flu and then Medications not reacting with my body and making me feel worse but there was also something hanging over my head and after spending all of last week pretty much in bed I realised.....

My life is in Limbo...

Now I know that I am never going to be 'that' person I was before having Rani and the almost last 2 years of my life have changed me forever - well my whole family - none of us will ever be the same - you are not meant to outlive your child - plain and simple!...but I am not liking the person I am becoming. So I am making some changes.

I feel that I lost my identity, to some people this has come my identity - I am Rani's Mum and not Mel - I have lost a number of friendships because of this as some people just didn't know what to say and still to this day some people still don't know what to say. This used to get me really down, but after being sick, depressed and lost I have decided it is not worth wasting my energy on. I have a lovely group of close friends that are there when I need them and that is enough for me.

Also I think not having a place of our own is making me feel in Limbo..We have no real base of our own...Don't get me wrong living with Mum and Dad has been a life saver, their support and understanding throughout the last almost 2 years has been invaluable...but I don't have a place of my own / our own...we will be getting this hopefully by December/January and this will definately help us move on with our lives.

But since I have decided to focus on Me - becoming somewhat the person I was and liked I have managed to catch the scrapping bug again and it feels so good. So thanks for listening to my rambles.

So here are a couple of LO's that I have comepleted for some Challenges for Bon's Scraps and 123 Challenges

and also the latest newsletter is out for S4L and here is my DT creation for May


Charmane said...

Hi Mel
I'm so sorry with what you are going through - I cannot imagine losing a child - an early miscarriage was heartbreaking enough for me. I lost a brother when I was younger and our family had a tough time of that - he was six and the favourite, and we still are dealing with it (this was 1992)We were also in limbo for quite a while - with no house and it is hard to feel settled until you have somewhere to call home I think - I hope you move in soon! I'm rambling here - if you need someone to talk to - let me know!
I'm glad you've caught the scrapping bug again - your pages are truly gorgeous - and it would be a great deterrent too!
Take Care Charmane

Chrissy said...

Love you sweetie, always here for you no matter what. I really think when the house is finished it will be a turning point of sorts for you and your precious family.

Only a phone call away lovey...

Love Chrissy x

Jenelle said...


Hang in there.. I can't imagine the pain you are going thro at the moment!! But hang in there, once you've got your own base, you'll be the real "Mel" that you have been waiting for.


scrap-yourself-silly said...

*hugs* to you Mel. You are so gutsy in sharing how you feel with us.

Chris Millar said...

Hi Mel, I don't always know what to say, but I am always hear listening and keeping you and your family in my thoughts. It's certainly been a rough ride - lots of sunshine days ahead for you I hope!

DenimAngel said...

Hugs Mel. I think of you often hun. I'm sorry I don't post enough. I can't imagine what you are going through at this point but on the house front we are in limbo too. I tell you I would not want to know beforehand that we would be living like sardines for soooo long but hopefully the light is there for both your family and ours. Love your scrapping, might have to lift a few to get my mojo back.

Tassie Deb said...

Dearest Mel, cyber friend hugs coming your way from Tassie. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. I hope your new home is ready ahead of schedule and you can start the next phase in your lives from your new base.

Luv 'n hugs
TD xoxoxo

PS Awesome lo's Mel - I am so pleased you have caught the bug again - that is the scrapping bug :)

The Salisbury Family said...

Hey Mel,
loving these LOs. Might not comment much but always here reading.