Sunday, August 12, 2007

Dreading

the next couple of weeks.

I am not sleeping and when I do sleep I am dreaming of that last horrible week of Rani's life. I can not believe that nearly a year has passed and the pain I feel is the same as the day we lost her.

I am dreading her birthday, to have to go out to her plot to wish her a Happy 2nd Birthday and then one week later placing flowers for the 1 year Anniversary.


I am still so angry that a liver didn't come in time, that her life was cut short, that she was in so much pain, that we didn't get to pick her up for the last couple of months because of that pain. It brings me to tears still and will do forever. I have said it before and it is so true - "you are not meant to outlive your children".

We all feel so robbed, we should be watching her grow - not mourning her, it is just not right.

My sister will be out here from the 24th of the month, as she is in her Best Friends Wedding, so it will be good for her to be with family on her Birthday and Anniversary as I know she felt to helpless being in London when Rani passed, so a little more closure for her.

So I am guessing that I am going to be very quiet trying to deal with the emotions and anger (which is a daily thing) but magnified due to the time of the year.

Thanks for reading my vent - I hope it made sense.

11 comments:

Sam said...

Thinking of you and your family Mel.

melanie harris said...

Sweetie, I am thinking of your family and I am sending you vibes of strength.

Tracy said...

Hi Mel... Sending you (((((HUGGS))))) I can only imagine what you are going through at the moment... I hope in time your heart heals but for now you can just treasure the precious moments and memories spent with your beautiful angel Rani.
Take Care
Tracy x

Kirst said...

You know that I'm here and thinking of you and your family. Much love,
K xx

jacqui jones said...

oh mel....big HUGS
no family should have to go through what u have had to

The Salisbury Family said...

Thinking of you and your family as you approach this time. Big hugs

Chrissy said...

Oh Mel! Big HUGS sweetie! You and your precious family have been through so much, I wish there was s'thing I could do to make the next few weeks a little easier.

Thinking of you...
Love as always
Chrissy x

Giovanna Scott said...

Big, heavy time of year for you Mel. You'll pull through and I'll be thinking of you and saying a little prayer for you and Rani.

xx
gigi

Giovanna Scott said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lisa ashman said...

Hi Mel, we are all thinking of you and your family....

lin said...

Wow ! Amazing blog to follow I would suggest to follow my all friends and family to follow his blog . Vivacious Blog - Full life and energy. Keep Posting, wedding dress. Louboutin Shoes Pigalle Christian Louboutin. Beach Wedding dresses