Last Day

of September and I am not sad to see this month end.

September used to be a happy month, Father's Day and John's birthday and now it is the worst month of the year.

Not just because we lost Rani in September but September 2005 was when our nightmare roller coaster started. It was the first time I ever heard the words 'Biliary Atresia' and believe me I wish I had never heard them. It was the begining of endless blood tests, poking, probing of our little tiny baby. It was when we were referred to RCH for 8 hours of testing on our now almost 1 month old baby. It was also the month that Biliary Atresia was confirmed and we were told about the biopsy, Kasai and one day down the track a liver transplant.

October isn't much better as that is when Rani first stayed in the Hospital first 10 Oct 2005 for 4 days for her Liver Biopsy then 18th October for 10 days for the Kasai.

But September is just horrible as it was the beginning and end of the nightmare that we lived for a year.

More Scrapping

Well perhaps being pregnant has given me back the scrapping bug, but I have scrapped more in the last couple of days than for months.

Well we are halfway through the first week of the school holidays and the weather looks like it is turning...grrr...it has been dark and gloomy all day with little bits of rain on and off, makes it hard to send the kids out to play. So today we went for a drive to see what was happening in our estate and then to a couple of furniture stores to have a look for a new bedroom set for Josh and a lounge suite for the new lounge...the only way I can get Josh to look is by looking for him as well....lol

Well here are 2 Lo's that I have done.

This one is for a Challenge at Bon's - New Daddies
I searched and searched and finally found this photo of John and Josh a couple of hours after he was born - there were no digital cameras back then..lol...I can't believe that the photo is nearly 11 years old.


This one is for a Challenge at 123 Scrapbooks - That's My Man
A rare photo of John and I

Sharing

Well it has been a while since I have shared some LO's...it feels like ages since I last scrapped, so here are a couple of LO's that I have done using some old packs I found and also my M I have altered only have the other 6 letters of my name to go....lol

TFL

Me and Teagan, self portrait, got to love the double chin action....lol




Teagan - she didn't want her photo taken, but it is one of my favourite shots of her



The first of many QLD LO's....they are actually upside in the photo, but Dreamworld printed it up the right way



and finally my letter M

A Lovely Night

Firstly thank you for all the lovely comments and emails we have got about this pregnancy, they have all been lovely. Also thanks to Teagan's teacher and Miss K who bought me a beautiful bunch of flowers for Teagan to bring home from School on Friday when they found out I was pregnant...I was truly shocked and touched by your thought.

We decided not to tell the kids until I had had my 12 week scan, as we told them early with Rani and they couldn't keep their mouths shut....lol...it was very cute...I was sitting next to John and called the kids in and showed them the Ultrasound images and asked them what they thought it was. Both of them chimed "rani" as that was the last images they saw...I said 'no' and winked at Josh and saw that he had worked it out and he ran to John giving him a big hug with tears of joy strolling down his face, it took Teagan a little longer and then the penny dropped. With big eyes she looked and my tummy and said 'is that in you'. They were both so excited touching my belly, talking to my belly and the funny thing that after all the dramas we have been through with Rani I asked them both what they wanted and they said they didn't care as long as this one didn't have to go to the Hospital....

OK on to our night. Well as it was John's big 4-0 birthday last week I decided to splurge on his birthday present and booked us a night in the Crown Promenade last night - the plan was we could spend some time together, get some dinner and I would go to the room and sleep (10.30 is my bed time now...lol) and John could go to the Casino and play Poker, as he loves it.

So we checked into our room at about 2.30, went for a walk around the Casino and Southbank, window shopping and trying to find somewhere to have dinner. Came back to the room and decided to have dinner in the Hotels Restaurant - YUMMY!!! - then went back to the Casino and had a New Zealand Ice Cream for dessert - a yummy ice cream cone...I was full and tired, so John walked me back to the room, got his stuff ready for Poker and headed off.

I took some pics of our room and our view - although we were only on the 7th floor, wish we were higher, but my camera battery has gone flat so will add photos later.

View from the room....and our room

Josh and Teagan love it when we go away for the night, as Nana and Grandpa take them up to Maccas and they eat in and play on the equipment and of course Nana always has lollies....lol

What a Suprise!

Let me give you the short story...

John and I made the hard decision to try for the 4th child I had discussed while Rani was in Hospital (when we thought it was a short stay and that she would be coming home soon!). As it took so long to fall in pregnant with Rani (5 years) we knew that I probably had a problem. I went back to my Gyno/Ob and told him that we wanted to try again and he thought I had PCO - which was confirmed via ultrasound.

I was to be monitored every month with a blood test to see if I ovulated...5 months - 5 fails (no ovulation = no chance to get pregnant) which was becoming very depressing...so IVF was mentioned as the best way for us to have another baby. Both John and I had decided that we weren't going to go down the IVF road, as we already have 2 beautiful children.

So after leaving my Gyno with the disappointing news of another fail I had told him that I was going to take the next month of monitoring etc as we were going to QLD and I wanted to enjoy myself and not stress about dates ect.

Well don't ask me why sucker for punishment or womans intuition I bought a pregnancy test while I was shopping at Coles. I left it until the afternoon and thought what the hell....I have done many of these and was used to seeing one line. So you can imagine my shock and disbelief when there was 2 lines staring back at me.... I was in shock, thought maybe I was making more out of it so took a pic on my mobile and SMS'ed it to John, he saw the 2 lines as well....lol

I rang my Gyno/Ob straight away (shaking the whole time)...the receptionist told me to go to my GP and get confirmation and a new referal...I was suprised when later that night my OB called me to say Congrats.

So there you go...we left for QLD the next day with a baby on board....lol

It has been a pretty uneventful pregnancy - no morning sickness..I'm really not feeling pregnant at all - which annoys my friends that are pregnant and suffering...lol

So I am 13 weeks pregnant and bub is due 25th March 2008....we are cautiously excited about this pregnancy and very scared at the same time with all the things that can go wrong...so we are just hoping for a happy and healthy baby in March. The only sad part is that I had to pull out of my Best Friends wedding as I will be eight months pregnant...but she was over the moon for us when we told her.

So here is a pic of our bub from our Ultrasound today

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

to my Sweet Husband who turns 40 today.

Last night we went out to the Coach and Horse for dinner with about 40 friends, it was a lovely night, they have a huge play ground so no one saw the kids except for dinner and when it was time to go home. The night went way to fast and it was difficult to try and catch up with everyone as we were spread n 3 tables, but I hope everyone had a good night. I know that we did.

So today is a nice relaxing day, with a cake tonight.

Thank You

for your lovely comments, emails, SMS's and pink candles that we saw on Blogs in memory of our little angel, it really is appreciated.

Well Saturday was quite a busy day, we wanted to keep a normal as possible routine for the kids - so the went to WuShoo - karate - in the morning, then we went out to see Rani and then they had a birthday party to go to.

On Saturday night my whole family all went to the Coach and Horse for dinner. It is great as we can sit and chat and there is a huge playground so the kids can play and not be bored. We had a few drinks for Rani and a lovely dinner and check out Josh and Teagan - they had free face painting in the playground.











Fathers Day was a pretty quiet day, kind of highlights that we don't have one of our children to give Daddy a kiss. Josh and Teagan came down and gave John their presents and then we went upstairs and gave Dad his present, went for a drive, did a bit of shopping and the day was over.

Tuesday was Mark's Funeral - John went by himself as it was late in the afternoon and I couldn't get back in time to get the kids. :(

Then that night everyone came to Mum and Dad's for a BBQ (kind of late Fathers Day) as some people had to work. Heaps of food we were so full, lots of laughs and just general chit chat.

Here is Dad with Josh and Teagan (can you tell that my dad hates having his photo taken...lol) cooking the BBQ with his BBQ apron that my brother got him for Fathers Day.

Today

a year ago was the beginning of the worst day of our life...an end to the worst week of our lives.

I am still in shock that it has been a year since Rani passed away, it doesn't feel that long, maybe because today the pain feels the same as it did when she left us forever.

I still have so much anger over the whole situation and still believe that the system for liver donation (well organ donation) needs to be looked into...for the only time that Rani was able to get a liver nationwide was when she was in ICU and the catch to that situation she was way to sick to get one. In my opinion if you are too sick to go home (especially like Rani who spent 5 months in Hospital waiting for a liver) you should be nation wide. Perhaps then I would be typing something happy, like it has been a year since Rani got her new liver and is doing fantastic...how I wish.


Thank you everyone for your emails, SMS's, coments here and cards they truly are appreciated.

It is today (well most days) that we try and remember the good times that we had with Rani. We want to thank friends and family for their support through this all and also the staff at The Royal Childrens Hospital especially the Nurses on 5W who became like our family and will always have a special place in our hearts, as will Rani's dedicated team from the Gastro Dept.


Edited: Sadly our friend Mark lost his 13 month battle with cancer this morning. Our thoughts are with his family. He will be missed.

Happy

HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY

My Sweet Precious Angel Rani

Not a day goes by that we do not wish that you were home with us, or that you are not in our thoughts.

Miss You, Love You

My sister arrives

TOMORROW

I am excited about seeing her again.

Also I am pleased that the wedding that she is coming for allows her to be her for Rani's Birthday and Anniversary as I am sure it will help her with a little more closure, as I know how helpless she felt being in London when Rani passed.

So bring on tomorrow night :)

Dreading

the next couple of weeks.

I am not sleeping and when I do sleep I am dreaming of that last horrible week of Rani's life. I can not believe that nearly a year has passed and the pain I feel is the same as the day we lost her.

I am dreading her birthday, to have to go out to her plot to wish her a Happy 2nd Birthday and then one week later placing flowers for the 1 year Anniversary.


I am still so angry that a liver didn't come in time, that her life was cut short, that she was in so much pain, that we didn't get to pick her up for the last couple of months because of that pain. It brings me to tears still and will do forever. I have said it before and it is so true - "you are not meant to outlive your children".

We all feel so robbed, we should be watching her grow - not mourning her, it is just not right.

My sister will be out here from the 24th of the month, as she is in her Best Friends Wedding, so it will be good for her to be with family on her Birthday and Anniversary as I know she felt to helpless being in London when Rani passed, so a little more closure for her.

So I am guessing that I am going to be very quiet trying to deal with the emotions and anger (which is a daily thing) but magnified due to the time of the year.

Thanks for reading my vent - I hope it made sense.

Our Holiday

A quick run down of our trip.

We left for QLD at 5.30pm on Tuesday 24th July....arriving on the Gold Coast and driving to our Hotel and basically going to sleep...lol

Wednesday morning we went to Movieworld...today is the day I realised I have big kids and not babies anymore - they wanted to go on every ride and were both extremely disappointed that they were just that little bit to small for the Superman Roller Coaster and Lethal Weapon Roller Coaster. But neither of them have any fear and with Daddy they went on every ride at Movieworld. Josh and Teagan's favourite was the Scooby Doo ride and they went on it about 4-5 times...the great thing about going off-season is there were no lines for any of the rides.

After doing everything at Movieworld we came back to the Hotel and went for a swim and then we had yummy seafood for dinner.

Thursday and today was Seaworld - I think out of all the theme parks this is the most boring - not really much to do or many rides. We watched the Dolphin show and then went on a few rides. The only problem with going off-season is that rides are closed for maintenance and the whole water park was closed and the Bermuda Triangle wasn't working. So the kids did the Roller Coaster 5-6 times. We went to Shark Bay, saw the Polar Bears and were done by 2pm. We went and got some food for a BBQ, as Dave and Karen were coming over for dinner...We were very excited as it was the first time I was meeting their 2 year old daughter...naughty me forgot to take photos - but we had a lovely night.

Friday was Dreamworld (Today was the day that I started with the first symptons of our colds) We met Dora the Explorer when we entered and got a photo with her, then John and kids headed straight for the Claw...then a couple more rides. I headed to the car as my head was killing me and John, Josh and Teagan continued with the rides. I came back in and we decided to get the $10 return tickets and come back another day. So we drove out to Cedar Lake where we were spending the rest of our break and I had a nana nap - before we headed to Dave and Karens for the night - they made us a beautiful roast dinner, we went for a drive in Daves big truck and hit the beds about midnight - again no photos...naughty - Karen you will have to send some photos down....lol

Saturday we had a relaxing day back at the resort, John and kids went out on a canoe, also on the paddle boats and went for a swim in the pool.

Sunday after a lovely sleep in John and the kids went down and hired some golf clubs and had a hit on the 9 holes. It was lovely to sit on the verandah and watch them play golf...certainly no Tiger Woods in my future....lol Then we got ready for dinner at John's parent house. We hadn't seen them for almost a year. Again naughty me no photos - Josh and Teagan played in the big park across the road with their cousins Tamia and Tre and we had a huge BBQ dinner...it was lovely to catch up.

Monday I couldn't get out of bed - my cold was full blown, so John took Josh and Teagan back down to Dreamworld and they had a ball...and my good little husband took some fantastic photos for me to scrap :) and he also called into the pharmacy and picked up some meds.

Tuesday and Josh had come down with the cold. We were meant to be catching up with some friends - but they cancelled...so John took the kids down to the movies and they saw The Simpsons. This is Teagan feeding the ducks and geese that came up to the back door every day at 4pm for some bread. On the first day Teagan was feeding them and put some of the bread behind her back and one of the geese came up and took the bread biting her finger as well, so this is why she is on a chair...lol

Wednesday and now Josh is still sick and John is also in bed with the Flu...the only healthy one is Teagan...lol...so it was a quiet day at the resort trying to get healthy. Now didn't I say that Teagan was the only one healthy...lol...well at 2am Josh woke us up to say that Teagan was throwing up - so the whole family was sick!!!!

Thursday - Thankfully today is the day we go home...lol...We went for a drive to Kallangur to show Josh the house he lived in for a little while and also to Redcliffe to show him the Hospital he was born in and then went home. None of us were feeling very bright and cheerful but we had hours to kill. We packed our bags and headed to the airport at about 8.30pm as our flight was meant to be leaving at 9.20pm...but when we got there we were told it had been delayed and hopefully we would be boarding at 10pm.

We finally boarded just after 10 and just as we are about to sit down, Josh throws up...great start to our flight home - thankfully that was it...both Josh and Teagan slept pretty much all the way home and after circling for a little while we finally landed back to the freezing Melbourne weather. We finally had heads on pillows at 2am.

Friday Josh was still throwing up and coughing and Teagan had her worst day of the flu...so it was good we were home.

So even though the last couple of days were a blow out all in all we did have a lovely trip away!!!

We are Home!!!

Tired and sick...lol

We had a fantastic time in the beautiful hot weather, hit the theme parks, caught up with friends and family and then I managed to catch a cold and it went through all of us which put a little bit of a dampener on the last couple of days of our trip......so we are all happy to be home, as the kids have it worse today.

So just popping in to say Hello and will update properly later.

It is all ours

well and the banks...lol

We settled on the land on Friday morning, so the LAND is now officially ours and if all goes to plan we have been told that we have been slated in to start building on September 14th...YAY!!!!

Well my little boy arrived home from Camp of Wednesday night, they were meant to arrive back to school at 5pm, but the buses arrived at closer to 6.30. It was pitch black and a mad dash as the parents were told to find your childs bag while the kids stayed on the bus. I had no idea which of the 3 buses Josh was on, so I thought it best to stand in the middle and watch, but that just happened to be the bus he was on.

He said he had a fantastic time at Soverign Hill and was so excited that it snowed while he was there. They all got dressed up in the old fashioned clothes to go to school. They did the mine tour, saw lollies being made, dipped and made a candle, watched a gold pour, did some leather work and heaps more. He even thought of his sister while he was away and bought her back a lollipop and whistle with some of the spending money we gave him. :)

Yesterday the kids had a birthday party at Bowling and then a couple of hours later John and I picked up one of my Best Friends and went back to their house to meet the kiddies again and have some birthday cake. All the kids get along fantastically, so we ended up staying for some pizza for dinner and left their house at 11.30pm...long day for the kids, they were so tired. They did have one bit of excitement as I got pulled over by a booze bus, they had never seen one before...of couse I knew I would be fine, as I don't drink at all if I know that I am the driver, by Josh and Teagan thought it was cool.

So today I washed heaps of clothes and started packing getting ready to leave the Melbourne cold. behind...can't wait.

Back to Routine

Well the School Holidays are finished and the kids are back to school and it is time to get back into routine again.

On Saturday I went to Scrap 'n Chat and met some of the lovely ladies from Bon's, it was a great day and so nice to put faces to people I have been chatting with. I didn't do much scrapping, I got 2 pages done...and also was pretty good and didn't spend to much money....lol

Then Sunday was spent getting the last few things for Josh to go on Camp. He left Monday morning for Sovereign Hill and will be back Wednesday night. They must all be freezing up there - we knew it was going to be cold but when I listened to the weather this morning it said it had snowed in Ballarat.

So only one more week and we will be a bit warmer in the QLD sun, can't wait for that.

Well this is going to be short and sweet as my fingers are like ice, the wind is freezing here this morning, so I will leave you with a LO that I did at Scrap 'n Chat for the challenge.

Bye :)

2 Fire Trucks

WOW firstly I can't believe that this is post 200!!!!

OK so the 2 fire trucks...well on Monday night we were getting ready to sit down for our Monday night roast and Mum couldn't work out why the carrots were burnt. When she looked int he oven it was glowing amber, it was on fire behind the fan. Dad grabbed both of the fire extinguishers only to find that they were both not working (he bought a new one home tonightt) and my sister called the Fire Dept. We were really concerned that it was in the roof as the smoke alarm at the front door kept going off, but not the one closest to the kitchen. Well I took Josh and Teagan out the front to wait for the fire truck and I could tell Josh was really quite freaked out by the whole situation...plus not knowing if it was in the roof I thought it was safer having them outside. Mind you the whole time I am thinking that I should grab my albums...lol...Well a couple of minutes after calling the Fire Truck the 1st one turned up and they saw that it was all contained in the oven and then another fire truck turned up..they all wanted to stay and have Roast as it was sitting on the bench ready to be served.

So we had 2 fire trucks, 6 firemen in the house, 2 firemen with the trucks and no fire...lol...but we felt better knowing that they checked everything out...they went up into the roof and made sure everything was safe...so now Mum and Dad have to either see if the oven can be fixed or buy a new one!

So what an interesting start to the school holidays!

Well John was away and missed all the action...lol...and he thought I was pulling his leg when he called and asked how my day had been...but he will be back tomorrow night.

The kids are excited as they are going with Mum to see Shrek 3 tomorrow and taking a friend and then she is coming back here for a play. It is great to see that they get along so well considering they only met in January and have seen each other 3 times since then, but Josh and Teagan are very excited about seeing her tomorrow.

Well I will leave you with some scrapping I have do for some of the Challenges at Bon's.

This one was a real challenge, I struggle with white spaces but the challenge was to scrap in a section 6 x 6 and have strip journalling - but I am happy with the outcome.


This one is for the Book of? Challenge - I am doing an 8 x 8 album of the building process.
I am also doing a mini journal for July..using a quote and a journal entry (mine is kind of like a diary) Charm set the challenge and so far I am loving it...I am sure it will be fun to look back on.

Thanks for dropping by :)

Hate the 1st

I really dislike the first of the month - as today is 10 months since we lost our precious little angel and I was very emotional last night, well into the wee hours of this morning. I still feel so robbed and should be out looking for presents for her 2nd birthday rather than getting ready to mourn the 1 year anniversary 6 days after her birthday.

I still can't believe that it is July, this year has just disappeared so quickly, it will be Christmas before we know it. Josh and Teagan are very excited as we go away this month...lol

What else..oh yeah, my sister and her boyfriend bought a house yesterday...their first home. They have a quick settlement and move in 30 days.

My other sister is coming home for a couple of weeks in August. It will be great to see her again. She is coming for her Best Friends Wedding, which she is a bridesmaid in. It will also be good to have her home for Rani's birthday and Anniversary for even more closure. I am also glad she will be with family as it would be difficult being all the way over in London dealing with the emotions and no one really able to understand.

I really hope the weather clears up a bit for the school holidays or the kids are going to go crazy...also John goes away tomorrow so it will just be me and the kids and Mum and Dad...lol

Also look at the book my Aunt bought me. I had never seen the book but had seen the fairy costume as the name Rani jumped out at me one day while we were shopping. So just a little more proof that my baby is a fairy. There are some beautiful saying in the book, one of my favourites is "when a baby laughs for the first time in the human world it flies to Never Land and turns into a fairy. Also Rani fairy is special as she is a Water Fairy...Rani loved the water! and she sacrificed her wings to save others in the story...it is a great little book, if only the fairy had black hair it would be perfect :)

John's Tattoo

This is John's latest tattoo...i did a LO about it a couple of weeks ago, but you can't see it properly.

This tattoo is very special to him, it is a memorial tattoo to Rani. The top symbol is Rani in Chinese and the bottom one says Wood Rooster - which was the Chinese year that she was born.

I think that it turned out beautiful and really is something that only we understand, so special to all of us.

Been a While...

Life got hectic again...lol

Not a lot of excitement has been happening here...lets see...

Well we were meant to settle on the land on Monday - but instead we changed banks for the Mortgage...lol...because our broker found us a better deal, so we will settle hopefully next week as the bank has already approved our mortgage...but we have put our plans into Council, so hopefully they will be approved in a couple of weeks and fingers crossed the builders will start a little earlier as they are building 2 other houses in our estate.

John started a new job on Monday...he is loving it and one week in, is already going away...I will have to get used to that again...it has been 2 years since he travelled with work...lol...although it is funny having him home during the day drove me insane...but I miss him a little bit while I am home alone...lol..I'm sure I'll get over it....We are also adjusting to sharing the bed again...lol...we worked out it has been 7 months since we had slept next to each other every night...lol...except for Saturday nights...so i am also used to his snoring again....lol

So much for a drug free month this month...lol...I set myself one condition for the drugs and if that happened I would take them....so what does my body do, makes that one thing happen. ...grrrr. Well at least it is only 5 days and I think my body is adjusting to the drugs, as i had no major side effects this time and I shouldn't have to do it again until after we get back from QLD so I can enjoy our holiday.

Today was the last school day for this term, so the kids are on holidays for 2 weeks. I really hope the weather improves so we can go out. Loving the rain, as we really need it, but it is so cold and horrible and the kids will go stir crazy if they are stuck inside all the time. Mum is taking them to the Movies on Wednesday to see Shrek 3...so they are both looking forward to that.

Well it is just under 4 weeks until we leave for QLD and I can't wait. Looking forward to seeing friends that we haven't seen for years and also catching up with family. Everything is now booked and organised, so we are just waiting for the month to tick on by...lol

I wll leave you with some scrapping I have done. 2 of the LO's are of John's best friends daughter...she is so cute...they live in QLD and I haven't met her (John has on a business trip) - so it will be great to finally see her face to face.
and my two little one....love my new sprites :)
Thanks for visiting.

Hello!

Yes I am still here...lol..thanks to those people that sent me emails to see if all is ok.

I have been having a bit of ME time...got a little depressed and have been failing blood tests...lol...so i have taken a break from Meds and other down stuff until after our holiday so I can enjoy that....it is coming up so quickly.

So we are now organised for our trip to QLD...have all the passes to the Theme Parks, have booked our accomodation and I think I have managed to find the cheapest deal with Car Hire so will probably book that this week and we are ready to go.

Mum and Dad just spent a week in Port Douglas...I am sure they loved the time away from us all and of course have come back to Melbournes freezing mornings and our lovely 11 degree days...lol

Not a lot else has been happening with us. Josh has had 2 lots of talks for school and we have all learned things about people we never knew about...lol... Teagan is doing swimming this term, 9 straight days of swimming, she is liking it but she seems to be coughing lots at night...I plait her hair but swimming and winter just don't mix.

Other than that I have been scrapping just for me lately...no DT stuff, no challenges just pages for the fun of it and I really enjoyed...so I will leave you with my latest pages.

Thanks for dropping by

OK so this one was for the 123 monthly challenge
and this one was for Bon's Monthly Challenge...it is John's latest tattoo in memory of Rani