Hot and Smoky

Argh!!! another hot day today...it was 35 degrees at 11am. But it is not the heat it is the smoke. We are a fair distance from the fires, so in no danger, but the smoke is thick here and the smell is horrible. I hope everyone in the fire areas are safe.

Here is a pic from upstairs I took a couple of weeks ago towards the mountains....














here is the same view with all the smoke.













so it is hot, hot, hot and I can't be bothered doing anything, so we are going to vegge out on the couch and all watch a DVD together

OK I have also tried a new auction site to sell some of my excess scrapping supplies...check it out here

More...lol

Well 2 posts in one day...aren't you lucky...lol

well it is getting closer and closer to Chrsitmas and I am really not getting into the Christmas Spirit at all. Josh had me stressed out for birthday and Christmas presents (all sorted now) - I only have the rest of teh family to buy for...lol

Plus of course my sister is arriving on the 19th and as excited as I am about seeing her I am saddened at the reason she is coming...so I constantly have in the back of mind the memorial service we will be holding for Rani. I got a phone call for the Cremetorium yesterday to say that her placque had been placed in the Rose Garden but there was a mistake, the hadn't set aside the area for her photo - but they put the plaque in as they knew that we needed for my sister. After having coffee with a friend this morning (and more little bubba cuddles) I headed down to Lilydale and saw the plaque - it was very strange, i felt nothing...i was quite anxious driving down but reading the plaque didn't upset me. I explained it to John that i guess atm her ashes aren't there so she isn't there and also she is in my heart and if I want to talk to her I just do it, I don't need one place to visit here..if that makes sense. well the plaque to me didn't look to bad, there is a space for the photo but it hasn't been raised. while I was down at Lilydale the lady from their called home to say that her photo had arrived and whether we want it placed on this plaque or to wait until the new one arrives. I will call her tomorrow and work it out.

OK some happier news, on Sunday i got the exciting news that I had been accepted on to the OTP section of Scrapbooking 4 Less Design Team....I can't wait to start :)

I have been feeling really run down lately...tired constantly and not able to sleep. well it all caught up with me on Tuesday...i just couldn't keep my eyes open and slept all day. i was going to have a little nap and head of to the City - Federation Square and watch Teagan sing in the School Choir but didn't get up until 3pm. thankfully a friend and scrapper...lol...went and took photos of Teagan while she was taking pics of her daughter.

also after doing all the pages for the school's album I finally did a LO for me. this is my challenge LO for 123 Challenge. you had to use B&W photo/s, starts and ribbon and i am really happy with how it turned out.

They are Done!!!!

I have finished my LO's for the kiddies school. Every year some of the mothers do pages for an album for that years School Production. this years play was Aladdin.

Here are my LO's
Not the most exciting LO's but with the dark backgrounds i just wanted to make the photos stand out.

A New Day

Well yesterday I think I should have just stayed in bed...lol

Firstly i promised the kiddies that when they got home from school we would put up the Christmas Tree. well as some of you know we are living with Mum and Dad at the moment and most of our stuff is under the house in storage.

Well after dropping the kiddies at school I came home and headed under the house. From the door i could see the box for the Christmas Tree as I had asked John to keep it near the front...so i grabbed that out...but no sight of the decorations...as life was kind of hell when we were told we had to move the removalist packed everything up for us...so i have no idea where most of my stuff is.....so after looking as much as i could I have to assume that they have put my box of decorations into a larger box.

No problem i think to myself as I wanted new decorations with a colour theme...so i guess that would be starting this year and when we find the box of decorations I will take out the important decorations and throw out the rest. So off to the shops I go and I just bought a little bit of tinsel and some baubles.

When we got home it was almost time to get the kiddies from school so i thought I would set the tree up on the ground with the branches in the order that they get put on the tree. WELL the box is half empty and I only have a couple of the branches in the box...all we canassume is that because the box was overflowing rather than squash the branches, the removalist have put the rest of the branches into another box...ARGH!!!...so it is back to the shops today to buy a new Christmas Tree....just what I needed.

Couple that with a son (who is turning 10 Xmas Eve) and still has no idea what he wants for his birthday or Christmas...i am getting mighty stressed out...lol

Although on Thursday night my family took me out for my belated Birthday Dinner to our favourite Chinese Restaurant - we have been going there since I was little - and we had a great night out and lots of laughs - so that was nice.

Also I am doing a major scrap clean up and getting rid of excess / must have item and have placed them on Ebay - check out the link in the side bar or click here.

Also thank you everyone for your kind words about my last post :)

Life!!!!

Well today is 3 months since my life changed forever and every day is still a struggle.

i thought this new song was nice and also appropriate....

'I would hold you in my arms
and take your pain away'

What I would do for one more cuddle, not to see the pain in my babies eyes...i still feel so robbed, and I am guessing this pain will never go away. But not only don't I have my baby girl, i didn't get to hold her for the last couple of months of her life as she was so swollen it hurt when she was picked up. I felt so guilty when I did pick her up for a quick cuddle that pain on her face was horrible to see.

I have been looking back at some of the photos and they bring me to tears...I just didn't notice the size of her belly, the pained looked in her eyes, as long as I got a smile I was happy. i guess going in daily I just grew used to seeing her and saw the light that wasn't meant to be...i would just picture that she had to go through this and then when she got her new liver she would catch up with all that she was robbed of.

So with the combination of christmas - which i am not feeling Christmassy at all and some important decisions that are on my mind constantly I have been withdrawing a bit...focussing on my family and not other things - as they are not what is most important to me at the moment and pety other things aren't worth worrying about.

Future Salespeople

What a great night we had tonight.

All year both Josh and Teagans Year Levels have been working on an ongoing assignment. it started when they had a visit from a woodworker and they made the cut outs for a car. then they decorated them, made them motorised and then finally had to sell them.

Tonight was their presentation night and all the students had a little stand to try and sell their cars. they had to have a little sales pitch, point out the features and what makes theirs better than others.

All the children did fantastically, selling their cars to everyone whether they knew them or not. There are definately some future sale people out there....lol

It was great to see the different takes the children took on selling their cars. some were handing out business cards, some were giving out lollies, one of Josh's friends even had a computer presentation...the prices made us laugh as well (although no money was handed over) the kiddies were left to decide all the images for flyers and logos, information, pricing etc on their own....so the cars varied from $3.00 to $150.00....lol...Teagan was selling hers for $25.35 and Josh's was $20.50.

Here are some pics of Teagan at her stand as their years cars were out on display and Josh holding his packaged car and showing it to Nana and Grandpa.

Birthday weekend

OK now that I have bought myself another keyboard for the pute i can actually type...my space bar decided that it would quit...lol...kind of hard to type without a space bar....

Lets see Saturday

John and i left after lunch and firstly headed to the kiddies school to vote :( then we were on our way to the City. We parked the car at the Casino as it was the cheapest parking and walked about 5 minutes to our Hotel.

We stayed at the Rendezvous Hotel, it was beautiful. We put our bags in the room and headed into the City for some retail therapy. we walked through little Malls until we reached bourke Street Mall...had a look around and kept walking to Melbourne Central. I bought myself a smaller handbag for going out (one of my birthday presents from Mum). It was now 5pm and the shops were closing so we walked down to Federation Square had a look around - I personally don't see what is so great about it and then we headed back to the hotel.

We rested our feet for a while, as i think we walked a couple of K's...lol

Then we got ready and headed back to the Casino....we had planned on eating at a Restaurant in the Casino, but didn't make a booking and the line was huge...so we walked around for a while finding that every restaurant had huge lines and ended up eating in the food court..lol

Then John went off for an hour to play poker and I played the pokies and we both came out with wins. We decided to take our wins and run. we walked along Southbank and Southgate, i took some photos of the lights of the city and realised that i really need to learn more of the features of my camera...lol....then headed back to the room.

OK here I am on a bridge over the water overlooking Flinders Street Station...this is also the reason that i am behind the camera..it is a blurry photo taken by John but i kind of like it :)

We were rudely woken by John's boss calling at 9am on sunday morning, our one morning that we were kid free and could sleep in and the most annoying thing it wasn't even urgent...grrr...we did manage to get anothers hour sleep before checking out.

We got the car and headed off to the Queen Vic Markets. we picked up heaps of bargains. i bought a dress and top, bought an outfit each for josh and teagan and also a Christmas present for one of our friends bubs, plus John got some runners, a jacket and shirt.

finally it was time to head back home and to reality...lol...the kids didn't seem to miss us at all...lol...they made Chocolate Crackles with Nana, they played games, had McDonalds for dinner and on Sunday went to kick the soccer ball around at the park.

I completely forgot about my LO for the Scrap World Comp I was in - 'Scrap and the City' and rushed the LO as it had to be uploaded by 8pm. i didn't make it through to the next round which was the final round but am proud of the fact that I made it through to round 7 of 8. two of my LO's from the Comp...

Now to get back to my LO's i am doing for the School. Each year Scrapping Mums get given photos from that years school production and we each scrap pages for an album that is displayed in the office. i have only done 2 of the 6 LO's, so i want to get those finished before i start making the kiddies teachers presents and some other Christmas present...i have a feeling that I am not going to get everything finished :(

YEP!!! Its my Birthday!!

Well it was when I started this post!

Thank you everyone for your emails, SMS's and comments here of your birthday wishes.

I have had a lovely day.

Started with Teagan suprising me by being ready for school when I came to wake them up this morning...I have an ongoing battle to have Teagan ready in the morning - so she decided to suprise me.. :)

Then I got my suprise present from John - a tripod for my DSLR

I had already picked out a charm bracelet and also a buddah charm (for Rani)...I am going to wear the Buddah and Girl charms on my necklace and put the letter charms, heart etc from my chain on the bracelet. I got the bracelet when the kids came home from school.

Then Mum came home with my card (cash...gotta love that...lol) and a fairy figurine with 3 teddy bears - one for each of my kiddies and also some flowers.

Then Mum and I went shopping - not for me mind you - to pick up some presents for my little monsters...lol

When we got home from the shop there was more flowers on the table - tulips my favourite - John had them delivered home.

Finally a quick trip to the shops as Josh and Teagan both informed me that they needed wool for a Christmas project at school tomorrow...grrrr....I hate it when they leave it to the last minute.

Then just when I think I can rest on my birthday it is time to go again. Off to the School for the farewell of Shirley - the Schools Secretary - she is great and will be missed by us greatly...so that was a bit sad

Then when we walked in the door, Josh told me it was time for cake as they were almost ready to go to bed. Happy Birthday was sung - cake was eaten - then my 2 best friends came over with more flowers and birthday wishes.

Then I just got off the phone to my sister in London and it is now after mindnight and I am exhausted and happy my birthday is done for another year - now to start thinking of what I want for Christmas....lol

LOOK what I got today :)

How exciting.

i won them from entering a Comp at Scrappit last month...my whole name in 7inch wooden letters.

Can't wait to decorate them.....

Long Time - No Update

Well it has been a while since I updated. Just been feeling BLAH! this week. It is getting so close to Christmas and seeing all the cute little toys I would have been getting Rani for Christmas is bringing me down. Plus the weather has been horrible...pouring with rain, hail and now today it is hot...go figure.

I have not been motivated to scrap and just seem to be finishing swaps, CJ's, ATC's ect and don't feel that I am scrapping for myself. Although I did got to a girlfriends on Monday to scrap, so that got me a little motivated.

Looking forward to this weekend, as John and I are going out on Saturday night - kiddie free and staying in the City for my birthday....so that will be nice.

Lets see what has been happening at our place...

I seem to be spending every waking minute either in the shops or going through catalogues to try and find fussy 8 and almost 10 year old Christmas presents...couple this with Josh's Birthday Christmas Eve - I can't believe I will have a double digits boy this year - haven't even started to think about anyone elses presents....

We were shocked to see Santa in the Shopping Centre on Sunday - but took advantage of it and got our yearly Santa photo - although Josh didn't want to this year. It is getting so expensive for the photos $24.95 for 2 photos....I think we might get another one.

I thik the main reason Josh didn't want his photo taken is at School on Thursday he tripped over and stopped himself with his face, so has lots of scabs on his face and you can see them in the photo...so when it is clear we will do another one. Although he did ask me to do a LO on his faceplant...lol

Well that is about all that has been happening...well all I can think of...so I better be off to get the kids from school.

Also getting excited as it is not long until my sister comes home for a holiday (19th December)...I am happy to see her, but wish she was coming home for happier reasons.

A Lovely Weekend

Well we had a fabulous family weekend..

SATURDAY

We went to another School Fete - and the weather actually got quite hot...so we had a bit of a look around, got to see a Police Car, Ambulance, Fire Truck and SES Truck up close and personal...luckily as the Fire Truck was arriving, one of the Stall had a little fire and they put it out. The lines for the rides were way to long but being that it was such a wonderful day we decided to go down to a park about 20 minutes from home. The kids and I usually meet my cousin and her kiddies down there during the School Holidays, so John had never been there. It is a huge park with a great big fort playground, plenty of grass areas, paths and a pond and lake. The lake is full of ducks and you can catch padpoles there.
I was a bit sad as the last time I went to the park I had Rani home and was remembering how excited she was to see the ducks. So Josh and Teagan had a huge play, we went for a walk, the kiddies tried to catch tadpoles, walked the rest of the park and saw a couple gettig married and went home.

SUNDAY

We headed off to Jorja's 1st Birthday Party at Connies. It was looking kind of horrible weather wise when we left but we were all hot in pants as when the Sun came out it had some heat to it. Josh and Teagan had a ball as they had a Jumping Castle out the back, Connies Husband was wrapped when John said that he would cook the BBQ and then again I got emotional. I was watching little Jorja and sitting next to Teagan when she said 'Rani would be doing that' and then she went off to the Jumping Castle. Well the tears came again and I had to hide in Connies bedroom. John came in to comfort me.

I love to see other kiddies happy and healthy and new bubbas etc...but sometimes it just reminds me of what I am/will miss with Rani and it hurts...plus this week with finalising everything has been a horrible week so I am happy to see it end.

Well I best be off and pack up some scrapping supplies as I am off to scrap with a girlfriend tommorrow - although I don't know whether I will scrap or cuddle her little bubba :)

Just for Me!!!

I haven't done anything just for me in such a long time, so on Thursday I finally got my hair cut. The hairdresser was horrified at the condition of the ends of my hair, giving me a pretend slap on the wrist. She said it looked like I hadn't had a haircut for a couple of months - she nearly passed out when I told her it had been a year!!!!...shocking isn't it...we worked out that I last had my haircut when I was 7 months pregnant with Rani...well I had other things on my mind the last year...least of which was a haircut.

So it is done...I kept it a bit longer this time...as it was cut shoulder length and had grown halway down my back...so it is now an inch or slow longer than my shoulder with layers cut into it and around my face and I think I look fresher and younger...lol....can't be bothered taking a photo to show though...lol

Well we are off to another school fete tomorrow..hopefully this one will be better than the last couple of ones that we have been to lately.

Then on Sunday we are off to celebrate Jorja's 1st birthday at Connie's house...looking forward to getting to spend some more time with her.

Also what I suprise I came home to on Thursday after getting my haircut. A HUGE box full of Choccie Biscuits, Lollies, Snacks, Chocolate, Wine, lots and lots of things that Josh's Teacher and Teagan Teacher last year had arranged. They sneakily asked everyone in Josh's class to bring in a little something...it was so sweet..i would have taken a photo but John grabbed everything out before I had a chance...lol....

Oh yeah and I have managed to do a little bit of scrapping - although I am still trying to find my desk...in the middle of cleaning it...can you tell I don't want to...I am enjoying doing some OTP stuff...so here are some Door Hangers I made for Josh and Teagan.

We Did It!

Well John and I went down to Lilydale on Friday and have arranged Rani's Plaque and plot in the Rose Garden right in front of a beautiful Rose called Jean Galbraith Rose Bush. We also got a guarantee that the plaque would be ready by Christmas - so we just need to call 2 days before we want to do the interment service. It wasn't nice and neither of us slept much the night before hand...but it is done and it will be nice to have a place to go and visit Rani.

We ended up going with the poem that we put on the back of the card that we handed out at the Funeral.

It reads

'How very softly you tiptoed into our world
almost siletly
only a moment you stayed
but what an imprint your tiny footprints
have left in our hearts'

This is the brass plaque that we have ordered

In the top corners will be these little cherubs mirroring each other - we thought it was cute and the hair reminded us of her out of control hair.

Then in the centre oval just before the poem this picture of our baby girl. Happy, smiling and of course forever with a dummy :)

Thank you everyone for the poems and quotes that you emailed and left in the comments section. They were truly appreciated and beautiful...but we thought that the poem that we used was Rani.

LOOONG WEEKEND

This weekend is an extra long weekend for us. Except for John who has to work Monday. The kiddies have Monday off school as a Curriculum Day and then Tuesday for Melbourne Cup Day, so i am looking forward to a couple more stress free day of not worrying about getting the kids off to school.

We have had a lovely kick back weekend. Josh and Teagan had 'wear your pyjamas to school day' on Friday and Teagan hasn't gotten out of them all weekend....lol...

My cousin, her hubby and their kids came over for a couple of drinks and pizza on Friday night...it was nice to catch up with them all. Well we catch up every couple of months - but it was nice for Dad and John to see them all.

My cousin gave me my birthday present early as we probably won't see each other again until Christmas. A beautiful little girl charm - she actually got one for me, my sister and my mum - for all of our birthdays. So my little girl will go on my necklace next to my 'R'.

Saturday was a complete vegge out day - everyone stayed in their PJ's all day - ok not John, just me, Josh and Teagan. Mum and Dad went to a Wedding, my sister went to an engagement party and we had the house to ourselves...so Fish and Chips for dinner and some DVD's topped of our relaxing Saturday.

Josh has gone for a play at his friends house today and on Tuesday he is off to the Races with some other school friends so it has been a quiet Sunday. You can really tell who is the chatterbox inthis house - it is always so quiet when he is not home....lol

Here is what I did on Saturday - a hanging open album that I bought at Paperific after I saw Connie's - we went back in and bought one...lol...I am pleased with the way it turned out.

Scrappy, Scrappy

Well some of my MOJO seems tohave returned and I am enjoying scrapping again.

Maybe it was getting new photos - even though I have a pile about 3 inches thick to scrap - so mostly I have scrapped my sisters recent birthday.



















So Becca has been happy...lol

Not a lot more been happening here...

We are doing the scary count down to Christmas and I haven't got anything organised - also looking forward to having my other sister home for Christmas.

Thank you everyone for you emails and comments about my last post - will let you know what we decide :)

Strange Request

Now I know this may sound strange - but unfortunately John and I have to make the final arrangement soon for what we want to have on Rani's plaque so it is done in time for when my sister is here over Christmas.

We know what we want to say but want to put a small quote / poem (about 2 lines) on the bottom that sums our little girl up but we keep drawing a blank or it just doesn't sound right as we have to look at this for years to come and don't want to be frustrated by the wording...iykwim!!!

So if any of you have a nice quote / poem could you let me know...ALL HELP IS APPRECIATED

Need to take Notice of Dates...lol

Thankfully today I thought I would double check the flyer for the Fete at the Primary School I went to. I am glad that I did as I thought it was Sunday and it was today and having promised the kids that we would go - I would have had to upset kiddies tomorrow.

So we quickly had some lunch and headed down to the Fete. I guess I thought it would be bigger as the School was also celebrating being open for 30 years...but the truth be told it was a bit disappointing...even for a small school. I did get to take John and the kiddies for a tour of the school and the scary thing is that in the 20 year (no it can't be that long...lol) since I finish Primary School it is still exactly the same - not a lot has changed at all. But other than doing a quick tour of the school, going to the Library and seeing some old class pictures and Josh and Teagan laughing at what me, my sisters and brother looked like years ago there wasn't really a lot to do. There were a couple of rides but more for younger kids so after about 20 minutes the kids were bored and so were we, so we headed off to another School Fete around the corner from home.

This one at least had some more things to look at. The kids each went on a ride - Teagan had her hair sprayed at the first fete and Josh had his face painted at the second fete. They each got a lucky dip, played on the playground and then we headed home. On the way out I got to catch up with my best friends parents so that was nice.

PLUS it was so cold it was a great excuse to head back home. We have been getting a little bit of that much needed rain...but talk about a freezing wind - of course it is meant to fine up on Monday when the kids are back at school. Why is it always horrible on the weekends when we want to do things and beautiful when the kids are at school?

Well daylight savings kicks in tonight - so we are robbed an hour of sleep - but looking forward to the lighter nights, maybe I can start walking again and feel safe as it was so dark at 6pm I didn't like going out.

Well enough rambling I should be in bed - got an exciting day of shoe shopping - not for me for the monsters so not looking forward to that one...didn't I say that I wanted to scrap this weekend!!!!

Out and About

Well today I dragged John to the Paperific Expo...I was going to go with a girlfriend but she couldn't make it - so hence John came.....lol...plus he needed to go to the City so it was a win win situation.

Also I finally got to meet the lovely Connie today, caught up with her a Paperific while having an expensive lunch...lol...and yes we went inside and bought that hanging thing (technical term).

So we have just had Pizza for dinner and I am feeling some Mojo forming...so I may actually scrap tonight or hopefully some time this weekend.

WOOHOO I scrapped...well I started this the other day and then didn't like the set up for the photo I wanted originally (can you tel my Mojo went on holidays...) so I added this pic of my sis on her birthday.

A Good Day!!!

I went to visit my friend and her 3 week old baby girl today - I got to her house at 9.30am and left at 3pm..lol...only because we had to get our kiddies from school...it was a great day of chatting and baby cuddles.

It was great just to get out of the house...I have been fighting of bouts of depression lately. I am awake until the wee hours of the mornig unable to sleep...so then sleeping half the day away and not doing anything during the day.

So I decided that it was time for a change. So I have changed my Blog...going to get a haircut next week and make sure that I go out more often...although I did manage to go to the new scrapping shop that is just up the road from me...so that could become expensive...lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

REBECCA

My baby sister is 25 Today.....

A HUGE THANK YOU

I will do a proper catch up later...Thank you to everyone that has sent emails to me asking how I am...I am feeling much better now...

BUT.....

my HUGE THANK YOU is because of the letter we got from the Royal Childrens Hospital on Friday.

It was a Thank You letter for the Donations that had been made to the Hospital with a list of the people who had donated and amazingly so far there is a total of $1210.00.

This amount will be going up as when Teagan went back to Physical Culture (dancing) after the School Holidays they handed us an envelope with Donations they had collected for the Hospital on behalf of Rani.

It is really touching that so many people out there have donated to help prevent this happening to another family.

SO THANK YOU :)

Out of the Mouth of Kiddies

I just had to share this story.

The other night John, Teagan and I were heading out to get some dinner (Take way)...Josh was staying at a friends house for the night...anyway....

This is the part of the conversation that we had with Teagan.

She said "the other day at school I was asked what I would do if I had three wishes'.

John and I whispered at the same time - have Rani back.

Teagan continued - 'my first wish would be that Rani was still alive' - we both thought that was lovely.

'my second wish was that we could have thousands of dollars and buy a brand new mansion and new cars'.

By this stage John and I were laughing - telling her we would need hundreds of thousands just to buy a house...so both John and Teagan decided that wish three would be that we won the lotto every week...lol

We thought it was so cute that she thought it was only thousands to get a house. The funny thing was when you think about it and the way we explained it to Teagan is that we need 400 piles of $1000 and it doesn't sound that much...LOL

A Little Update

Well it has been a while since I have been on...my stupid puter is playing silly buggars and acting like I don't exist...grrr and my emails have been going everywhere - so if you have emailed me and I haven't replied, perhaps send it again....

Well on Friday I got to meet the lovely Kirst and her beautiful little girl while they were down visiting her in-laws...mind you her in-laws live in the next street from where we are...lol...such a shame I *met* here after she moved to Sydney.

Mot much scrapping going on lately. I have managed to catch some sort of bug that is just making me feel BLAH!...i think it is the weather, one minute it is boiling hot then it is freezing and my poor body doesn't know what to do.

Well I will leave you with a pic of my Chipboard Storage, I have been painting 3 of these up to be all the same. To store things like Chipboard (obviously), alphabets and embellishments.

We Did It!

John and I went down to the Memorial Park today where we had Rani's Service.

We needed to go and see where we wanted to place her ashes. It was horrible driving down there...all the memories flooding back but we did what we needed to.

We walked all around the Park and finally decided that we like the Rose Garden...they do have a Baby Section...but it is just a strip of concrete in the grass and cluttered with toys and stuff on the other plots and the Rose Garden is much nicer.


We have to make an appointment (we later found out....lol) to work out all of the final details. The lovely lady that we did speak to gave us a pack of information, prices, etc so when we go back we will have everything we want on her plaque and a little more prepared for the day, so that everything is organised fo rthe Service in December when my sister is home.

Plus Miss Rani put on a beautiful day for us...it is 28 degree and just beautiful today...lovely for Melbourne...lol

WOW

After a great Saturday at friends that was meant to be a BBQ lunch and turned into dinner as well...I crawled out of bed on Sunday to find an email that my Fairy LO of Teagan had one the Cyber Scraps September Competition. $100 to spend on scrapping goodies..WOOHOO of course by Sunday night I had placed my order...lol...can't wait to play when I get my goodies.

Not a long post...but had to share...and nothing else really exciting to update with :)

Scrapping...

Well I ended up doing 2 LO's last night.

One rom the show..I love the colours in the photos...the sky is so blue..it was the perfect day.

the other for my BOM...just some random stuff about being 32 and YES a photo of me...lol

Doctors and Babies and Engagements

Well my girlfriend had a Baby Girl today...3.6kg...but no name yet. I will let her rest up and call her tomorrow and get more details. Her poor Son will be so upset, he was convinced this baby would be a boy because he has 2 sisters already...but now he has another sister.

Well we all went to the Doctors this afternoon..what a fun trip that was. I only needed a referal. Josh has had a rash for a week and today was the earliest we could get him in and we found out that he has Eczema. And John had to get a referal for a blood test and also had a growth on his arm looked at which is getting cut out next week. Teagan was the only one that didn't need anything from the Doctor...lol

Well I popped out today and bought more ink for my printer and have printed out photos...the kids are bathed and in bed and now I think it is time to scrap!

WOW! Just got a phone call from one of my Best Friends to say that she got engaged!!!...CONGRATS!!! I am very excited for you both...but I guess you could tell that when I spoke to you...lol

Good and Bad

Well today has been good and bad.

Well it started last night when my sister suprised us with a huge canvas that she had printed of our one and only family photo...she was very sneaky and went through all my photos on my puter one day while we were out.

Then this morning when I checked the PO Box I had a parcel from Memories and More with my goodies from my Gallery Pick win and also a Parcel from Michelle M.

Thank you Michelle the Angel of Rememberance is beautiful. I love these Angels and have a collection of them and now have a special one to add to them. Thank You.

Well just before we went to walk up to get the kids Dad bought down an envelope addressed to John. It was her Death Certificate...so it was a bit sad reading it...but read what we thought...although it is depressing seeing Cause of Death liver failure, pulmonary failure and renal failure..so many causes..my poor little fighter.

Well the kids had a great first day back at school, although I don't think either of them were impressed that they got homework on the first day back...lol...But they were tired again tonight so another early night.

I spoke to my girlfriend this afternoon...she is going in to have bub no.4 tomorrow (c-section). I am actually looking forward to seeing this new addition..so I await the phone call tomorrow afternoon.

Update

Thank you everyone for your comments about my last post...it is truly appreciated.

Well I think 3AW are going to be sick of hearing from John...he was in the car when he heard that again they were talking about organ donation, so he rang up and again talked about Rani and stressed the importance of Organ Donation.

Today is a bit sad as it is exactly 1 month since our little girl lost her fight and no one really slept well last night. Except the kiddies they were exhausted.

We have had a big couple of days. On Friday we went to my cousins for lunch (also with my mum) and the kids ran around and played with my cousins kiddies. Then we went out for dinner with friends and Josh and Teagan spent the night at their house.

Then on Saturday John took the kids to other friends for lunch - I was supposed to go but felt sick - and again Josh and Teagan ran around with their children so by the time they got home they were ready for bed.

Today is a kick back day as they are back to school tomorrow..YIPEE!!!..back to routine again...lol

Oh yeah when I did get out of bed I had a lovely email to say that my 'Dad' Lo had won the monthly competition at Bons Scraps - It is uploaded in the Gallery Section

Here are some LO's that I did last night while I couldnt sleep.

I hate nights!!!

Here it is midnight and again I am wide awake and avoiding bed.

Most nights I watch DVD's until I am so tired that I turn the TV off and fall asleep.

The silence is horrible...nothing to distract me and thoughts in my head.

I have so many conversations that play in my head...mostly the horrible conversation we had with her Specialist when he told us that she probably wouldn't make it through the night...but the worst is the phone call from John on 'that horrible Friday' telling me I have to get into the Hospital NOW! as they didn't think her heart would survive much longer...these conversations give me nightmares...bring me to tears and are a constant reminder of how much I miss our Princess and how it is killing me inside not having her here with me.

My body has adjusted quite well on a couple of hours of sleep each night..but we are not doing a lot as it is the school holidays and if I want to sleep in I can...but next week we are back to normal routines again.

When does it stop hurting...I am guessing the answer is never...it is just so unfair...how can life be so cruel!!!!

I would give anything for just another cuddle or to hear her laugh again...thankfully my brother got that on his mobile phone and a friend of his put it on a disc for us...but it just isn't the same...I just want my baby back...I miss her so much and I hate nights as this is when I notice it the most.

Thank you for reading my vent....

Tagged!

OK I have been tagged by Julie

The rules of the tag are:
List 5 weird things about yourself or your pets. Tag 5 friends and list them. Then, those people need to write on their blogs about 5 weird things, and state the rules, and tag 5 more people. Don't forget to let the people you tag know by posting a comment on their blog!

1. I can't touch peeled bananas...they make me sick!!!!
2. I can't drive with shoes on.
3. I can't fall asleep if the TV is on!
4. I can't digest fat!!!
5. I hate being touched by other peoples feet...EWWWWW!!

Ok i tag - Well it looks like pretty much everyone has been tagged...so I tag anyone who hasn't updated their blog since they have been tagged...lol

Over my First Hurdle

Well today one of my sisters friends came over with her 2 month old daughter. It is the first time I have seen a little bubba since Rani passed away. I was feeling a bit anxious as I walked up the stairs but I was fine once I saw her. I had heaps and heaps of cuddles and even fed her a bottle...something I hadn't done for months!...so it was good and now I know that I will be fine to see my girlfriend when she has her bubba next week.

Then to my suprise John came home tonight with a huge pizza box under his arms...the label said Tarisota ...I knew I hadn't placed an order with them and this is what I found inside.. here ..I had been RAK'ed from Tamar...so Thank You, Thank You, Thank You...all the goodies are just beautiful!

I also scrapped this morning...this is one of the photos of Teagan with her face painted at the Show yesterday...lol

EXHAUSTED

Well the expensive, exhaustive day off the Royal Melbourne Show is over for another year...lol

We thought it would be smart to leave home after lunch as today was the first nice day since the Show opened and suspected that everyone would make a morning dash.

Well obviously there are lots of people out there that think the same way as me. It was packed....the car park was full...of course there is no carparking anywhere (without getting a ticket) so we had to walk about 1/2 a km...but it was free parking.

The sun was out, the sky was blue and it was a beautiful day.

The kids and John went on a couple of rides...I am the official bag holder...lol...then we had a look around at the animals etc. As a tradition the kids and John always go on the Ferris Wheel I am scared of heights so you aren't going to see me up there. Then our other tradition is face painting...again the kiddies looked fantastic.

Then before we knew it we had been there for 6 hours so finally my tradition of Hot Jam Donuts on the way out....before the long walk back to the car but this time piled up with Showbags and time to start saving for next year...lol

So here is my monster and fairy...I am off to bed to rest my aching feet! and perhaps have some lollies out of my show bags!

A Scrappy Kind of Weekend

The weather in Melbourne has been absolutely horrible this weekend...cold, wet and windy..it had better pick up so we can take the kids to the Show next week...but of course that means it has been perfect scrapping weather.

I have decided that I am not ready to scrap Rani photos yet, so i am going to go back and finish Josh and Teagans Albums. They are both very happy about this as they didn't like the fact that Rani had 3 albums already in her short life and I don't think I am anywhere near finished. I just told them she smiled for the camera...one of my LO's is the prefect example of why they don't have many pages...lol..plus it didn't help that I found scrapping when they were 3 and 4 years old :(

OK so here are my LO's.

Firstly Teagan pulling faces when I was trying to get a nice photo of her.

Then also back in early 2005 when my sister came home from London and we suprised Josh and Teagan by not telling them...she was staying home but is back living there again...can't wait to see her at Christmas.

Gift Share!!!

I have been RAK'ed and sent lovely gifts galore in the last couple of weeks and thought I would say thank you and share some of them.

Firstly I got a mystery RAK from one of the lovely girls at the Scrap Pile of some ribbons and chipboard shapes.

Then I got this beautiful little mini tin album from Chris Millar
Which takes pride of place on my handbag.

Then another goodies package arrived from the girls at the Scrap Pile. Can be seen here.

Then I recieved a pizza box full of BG paper, embelishments and flowers from Fiona Leehane, who RAK'ed me after speaking to Chris Millar and Kirst.

Plus a couple of days after Rani's service I found two beautiful birthday presents for her from the lovely Chrissy and our friends Dave and Karen who live in Queensland.

Chrissy's is a beautiful prayer lamb that sits on my desk and reminds me of her and Rani.

Karens is the most adorable t-shirt that she had printed on the front 'Princess Rani' and two singlets. I am going to put the t-shirt in a shadow box with some pics of her.
I have to thank Karen also for the effort that she put in coming to Rani's funeral. She left Brisbane the morning of the funeral, arrived in Melbourne, got a shuttle bus to Spencer St Station, the train to Lilydale Station and a Taxi to the Service, only just making it in time. Then 2 hours after the service was back on her way to the airport to go home.

So a HUGE THANK YOU and sorry if I have forgotten anyone for all the lovely goodies..I can't wait to scrap, scrap, scrap.

Also some of you have already seen this but a LO of Teagan with her curlers. There will be page 2 with curls but needed to order more of the PP. :)

General Stuff

Well it has been 21 long days since our little princess passed and everyday is hard...but having Josh and Teagan makes every day worth getting up for.

We have made it through the first 5 days of the school holidays...lol...Nana took them to see Monster House, we have been on bike rides, walks, gone to the park and had a little shopping spree and next week we are all going to the Royal Melbourne Show.

Mum and Dad went to the Hospital on Monday to give the Nurses a thank you card and some chocolates. Dad usually spent his RDO's in the Hospital with Mum..they said it was strange to be back but they are glad that they got to say thank you to the Nurses that were there.

John went in Tuesday evening (I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it...i'm not ready)he took in the Pen for Chaplain Keith (for doing Rani's Service) plus some photo frames with pics of Rani for Keith, the Nurses on 5W and her Specialist. It really hit John hard when he went. He said it was very emotional but something that he wanted to do.

We were going to see Rose run at the Transplant Games today but both John and I decided that we just aren't ready to see all those lucky transplantees running around when we should have been one of them.

I am going to try and organise my scraping space soon (although it will probably be when the kids are back at school) as most of my scrapping supplies are in boxes still. I really want to scrap but am finding it hard as must pics have Rani in them.

None of us are sleeping very well still...we all have millions of what if questions floating in our heads and just plain feeling robbed.

John and I have to go to the Cremoturium some time next week and look at the different areas so we can work out exactly where we want to place Rani and what we want to say on her plaque, so that we can have it all ready for when my sister gets here in December and with the way that the year is flying by it will be here before we know it.

Well it is cold, wet and windy here, so i think I might put a DVD on and curl up under my doona :)

Donations

Thank you for everyone that have Donated to the RCH.

We have had a number of emails from people wondering where to send the money.

You send it to the Royal Childrens Hospital under the name of Rani Millar and we want all money to go to the Gastro Dept on Level 9.

Postal Address is

The Executive Director
Royal Childrens Hospital Foundation
Flemington Road
Parkville VIC 3052


Hope that helps.

Any other questions just email :)

Another Day

I have been trying to scrap for days...but everytime I sit down I get upset with memories but today I finally finished a LO.

It is so funny I hated these photos...i took them myself and really love the double chin action I have going on....lol...but now it is one of my favourite photos..like I said in my last post I am usually the one behind the camera and there are not very many pics of Rani and I or with Josh, Teagan or John...so I am going to make sure I get in photos even though I hate every photo I am in...lol

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

JOHN

My hubby is another year closer to the big 4-0 today...lol...

We are not in the mood for a big celebration so we are hanging out with Josh and Teagan. :)

So I was thinking today I am so grateful that I found this obsession called scrapbooking...we may have only had Rani for a short time but I have so many fantastic photos of her. I didn't know about scrapping when the other two were little so don't have as many photos. BUT one this I am upset about is we only have 1 family photo of all 5 of us. I hated the photo...more because of the colours, where we were, face expressions...of course now I love it, even though it is blurry. So make sure all you photographers come out from behind the camera and take family photos...or photos of you with you kiddies...my other regret...I spent way to much time behind the camera. :(

More Sadness

Well what a fortnight of deaths there have been. Way to many for my liking.

On Tuesday we found out that Teagan's School Teacher lost her battle with Cancer. She left the school for treatment not long after Easter..it is very sad. Her funeral is on Friday, but we are not going, still to raw from Rani's.

On some lighter brighter news we are going to watch little Rose run in the Transplant Games during the school holidays. We were very touched when her family told us that she would be running for both her organ donor and Rani. I am sure it will be a very emotional day seeing all those children running around thanks to the generous gift of another and we will be wishing that Rani could be there too.

Well I can't believe that tomorrow the kiddies will be on School Holidays. They have a couple of things planned, like the traditional trip to the movies with Nana and we will also be taking them to the Royal Melbourne Show. I am sure they will also be taken to the movies by Daddy...lol

I, as is everyone, is hating night time. It is easy to stay distracted during the day but when you lie down to sleep memories and thoughts and questions and anger and everything else come flooding into your brain. No one in this household is sleeping very much at all. We are all pretty much at the angry stage of grieving, feeling very robbed of our precious little girl.

But I must say that it is great to be living with Mum and Dad to be able to talk things through with people that have been there every step of the way and understand exactly what you are feeling is definitely helping us all greatly.

Thanks to everyone for your support, concerned and thoughtful emails and SMS, cards and everything it has been wonderful.

My sister who was absolutely devastated about Rani and in London is coming out in December. She was so upset that she couldn't be here for the Funeral. But we are having a special service when she comes home for her visit. We will be placing Rani's ashes and plaque in the Crematorium. She is very happy that we are waiting to do this until she arrives as it will be her (and our) special time to say good bye.

Spreading the Word

Yesterday while John was spending time with his brother who came down from Townsville the Sydney Morning Herald rang John's mobile saying that they had got our details from Donate Australia.

Well they did a phone interview to get the word out about Rani and the serious lack of Organ Donation in Australia.

This morning I awoke to find a link in the comments of my blog that it is in the paper today.

We thought we were going to be told..but I have just rang John wh is heading to Tasmania and he said he has heard nothing...as after he did the phone interview he was told that their was no guarantee that the story would run...

but anyhow here it is...

Rani's Story

Radio

Well our story is slowly being heard.

John sent an email off to 3AW as that is the station he listens to...he got a call yesterday saying that they would put him on the radio....well anyway he was on the radio today talking about Rani. It was in relation to the upcoming Transplant Games and they had a lady from the Red Cross discussing the importance of Organ Donation and then John was the flip side discussing what happens when that all important organ doesn't arrive in time.

It was only a really small bit at just before 3pm today...but it was something and John did really well on the Radio.

ANGRY!!!!

I am feeling so many different emotions today. Today is the day the 'normal life' resumes again! Kids go back to school, grown ups go back to work and I am left at home with my thoughts.

I am miserable but so angry.

Angry that this disease took our babies life.
Angry that she spent half her life in Hospital.
Angry at the people that said NO to life saving organ donation.
Angry at the system for Classification for Transplants.
Angry that she missed out on livers, by no other fault than the wrong blood type.
Angry that Rani became sick enough to be a CAT 1 but was then to sick to be transplanted.
Angry that more people don't donate.
Angry that she was in so much pain.
Angry that she was stuck in a cot and never leaving her room unless she was in ICU.
Angry that she spent her last 5 months confined in that room.
Angry that she never got to speak, crawl, walk, LIVE!
Angry that she is gone.
Angry that we did everything the Hospital asked and still we didn't get to take our baby girl home.
ANGRY that she never got that life saving liver.

We don't blame the Doctors, Staff or the Hospital. They can't transplant what they don't have. We are just very frustrated and disappointed. We feel very naive that we thought a simple liver was the answer and we would be home with a happy healthy baby. That having Rani in the Hospital was the best place for her and that she had a better chance of getting a liver being a in-patient rather than at home.

We will have 'what if' questions for the rest of our lives.

BUT i do believe that ALL AUSTRALIANS well everyone needs to be educated on the importance of Organ Donation but even more importantly you need to discuss your choice with your family, friends, loved ones as at the end of the day they are the ones that have to make the heart breaking decision.

PLEASE DON'T LET ANOTHER FAMILY GO THROUGH WHAT WE HAVE. Discuss Organ Donation.
www.organdonation.org.au

A Beautiful Farewell

Well yesterday was beautiful and Princess Rani even held off the rain as it is horrible here today but beautiful yesterday.

I was so not looking forward to the funeral even having to have a bucket in the car to get to the Chapel (but that is another story).

Lilydale Crematorium is absolutely beautiful...we booked it site unseen but had been told by others that it is lovely...not something you really think about.

The chapel was full for our Princess and very simply decorated with 12 pink balloons next to her little coffin.

We were lucky enough to have the lovely Hospital Chaplain Keith do Rani's service as he knew her very well coming and visiting her every day in the Hospital.

Everyone from our Families placed a little something on Rani's coffin...her favourite things. I placed her mirror, John placed a dummy, Josh and Teagan placed pictures and the most beautiful letters, my Mum placed her favourite doll (that she gave her), my Dad placed her its all about me, me, me birthday shirt, my sister Rebecca placed her Peek-a-Boo book (that she bought her), my brother Steven placed a face washer and special flower that he made her that was on her cot, John's Mum placed a favourite Teddy and Johns Dad placed the doll she played with when she was in the car.

Keith spoke about her life and his experiences with her, then John did a speech, then my brother Steven did a speech about all her little quirks and favourite things..that a lot of the Nurse got a smile out of....and then Rebecca read a poem that her and her best friend wrote. We had a beautiful powerpoint presentation that we made of 50+ photos of Rani, some prayers from Keith and then the final prayer was written and read by Johns Dad.

Then we left the Chapel to Hi-5 songs...Rani's favourite.

Finally we let off the 12 balloons one for each month of her life and they floated off to Rani, they went so far that we could no longer see them.

THANK YOU to everyone for all the support over the last year not just for John and I but for all of our family. Thank you for those who flew in from interstate, those from the School Community, from the Hospital and all of our family and friends for being there to farewell our Princess.

THANK YOU to those who could not make it that sent there thoughts and all of the pink candles that were buring for Rani that I see on Blogs...Thank you.

Thank You Terrance for making the Beautiful Thank You cards and supplying the balloons and Roses.

Thank you Sally and Sandra - you know what for :)

Newspaper Announcements

Here are the Beautiful Notices that were in todays paper.

Truly dreading tomorrow - we have spent the day finalising a lot of details and both Josh and Teagan wrote beaytiful notes to put on Rani's casket with some of her favourite toys...so emotional today, can only imagine what tomorrow will be like.

MILLAR. _ Rani Lesley Jean.
Born Aug. 25, 2005 passed
away peacefully Sept 1, 2006.
Rani Lesley Jean Millar, loved
daughter of John and Melissa,
cherished sister of Joshua and
Teagan.
Princess
You will rule our hearts forever
All our love
Mummy and Daddy.

MILLAR. _ Rani Lesley Jean.
Adored granddaughter of Gail
and John.
Our darling Rani, you were in
our lives for such a short time
but you touched our hearts in a
special way only you could.
Poppet, we will love and miss
you forever, hugs and kisses.
_ Nana and Grandpa x x


MILLAR. _ Rani Lesley Jean.
To my precious niece Rani who
stole my heart with your big
beautiful eyes. You will be
deeply missed. Lots of love.
_ Your Auntie Nelle x x


MILLAR. _ Rani Leslie Jean.
From the first moment I met you
you crawled under my skin and
found your way into my heart,
and that is where youll stay.
Take care my little Buddah
Love _ Uncle Stevie x o


MILLAR. _ Rani Lesley Jean.
My little Angel, your amazing
spirit and cheeky smile will live
on forever in my heart.
Ill miss you beautiful
girl...mwah x x All my love,
Auntie Becca.


MILLAR. _ Rani Lesley Jean.
We will wait for the moment
when we will be together with
Bubbles for eternity. Beloved
granddaughter of John and
Colleen Millar. Niece of Brent,
Karen, Paul, Nicole, Mark and
Grant.


MILLAR. _ Rani.
Your time here was short, but
your memory will be ever-
lasting. Rest peacefully little
one. Deepest sympathy to the
Millar and Percy families.
Geoff R.


MILLAR. _ Rani.
A little angel in heaven, she
fought till the end.
Love _ Carolyn and family.


MILLAR. _ Rani.
A little angel on earth now in
heaven. _ Sadly gone but
always remembered by Sylvia,
John, Michael, Erin, Luke,
Daniel and Liam.


MILLAR. _ Rani.
Our thoughts and deepest
sympathy to Melissa, John, Josh
and Teagan. No more pain and
no more suffering. Now theres
another little angel.
_ Alan, Janis (dec.), Lee,
Megan and Heath.


MILLAR. _ Rani. Dearly loved
great granddaughter. Loving
thoughts are with Melissa,
John, Joshua and Teagan.
In my heart forever, Nana


MILLAR. _ Rani. Our deepest
sympathy to Melissa, John,
Joshua and Teagan on the loss of
their beautiful Rani, she will
never be forgotten.
Chris, Wayne, Nicole,
Samantha and Michael.

Of course they looked much nicer in the paper...with a beautiful cherub to start them all off.

Thank you again everyone for your wonderful and kind thoughts...I am so touched that those who can't make it are lighting a pink candle for our Princess...it is a beautiful thing to do.

Well Mum and Dad's house is starting to look like a florist...we have so many bunches of flowers Mum had to borrow some vases from the lady next door...lol...but Thank you they are all beautiful.

Funeral Details

Friends and Family are invited to celebrate the short but wonderful life of our beautiful daughter Rani Lesley Jean Millar at the Lillydale Crematorium.

Rani will have a service starting at 3pm sharp on Tuesday 5th of September so if you could be there at least 15 minutes earlier it will be appreciated.

Please be aware that we are asking everyone NOT to bring flowers as the funeral director will be collecting donations that people may want to make which they will give to the Royal Childrens Hospital on our behalf and the details for the wake which will be held in Vermont South will be announced on the day.

The details for the Crematorium are

Lilydale Cemetery & Memorial Park
126- 128 Victoria Rd Lilydale VIC 3140
ph: (03) 9739 6244

For those that are interested Rani's Heartfelt Death Notice with be in the Herald Sun on Monday :(

THANK YOU

Thank you everyone for all your lovely comments here, via email and SMS. Rani was definately a special child that touched everone whether you had met her or not. It is heartwarming to know that there are so many people that cared for our sweet little princess. Also Chrissy thanks for the flowers they are beautiful.

Well today was a gut wrenching day...we had to tell Josh and Teagan about Rani, as they spent the night with friends. John and I decided that we didn't want them to see Rani in ICU, instead they have the happy memories of her on her birthday. We thought they could handle seeing Rani but not understand or handle everyone in tears and so upset, the situation was overwhelming for me, I can only imagine how they would feel if they were in the middle of it... they didn't need to see that..They took it fairly well, as well as can be expected. We simply explained that Rani's body couldn't fight any longer and that she wasn't in any pain, her passing was peaceful. It was only seconds from when the machines were turned off to her passing, and as the Docs told us it would have happened even with the ventilator on. My baby held on long enough for me to get to the Hospital and say my good byes, with my Mum, Dad and my Brother.

Also we had the Funeral Director come out to make arrangements...something again that I never thought we would have to do...but it looks like her funeral will be on Tuesday. Just waiting for a call tomorrow to confirm that where we want it can fit us in.

We also tried to donate some of Rani's organs (even though at the time I thought it totally unfair, that we should have been recieving a precious organ, not donating), but unfortunately her organs were all to damaged and she couldn't donate anything. BUT please make sure you are on the Donor List.

I hope all the Dad's have a lovely Fathers Day...I am hoping that we will be able to have some laughs...although they are coming more as we remember the good and happy times we had with Rani.

No Words!

Well I think this is the hardest thing I have ever had to type.

As some of you already know, our brave little princess could no longer fight and lost her battle with her disease at 3.50pm today.

Unfortunately last night her kidneys started to fail and then this morning they had again failed completely. Then in the afternoon she had another bleed filling her lung with blood. This bleed was the main cause for the Doctors to ask us to make the heartwrenching decision to take her off the ventilator (something I could not watch) but she is no longer in pain.

Thank you everyone for all your support (and I'm sure continued support) through this time in our lives.

I am to upset to type anymore.

More Baby Steps

Well more and more drugs seem to be disappearing from the mountain of pumps she had set up.

Since my last post she has come off another one of her adreniline drugs....(she was on 3) and is only on 0.25ml per hour on the last one...so hopefully that will be off by tonight and the only other major drug is for her blood pressure.

She is of course still on the ventiliator and unfortunately her lungs do not seem to be getting any better but they have turned the oxygen level up but the oscillation has stayed down.

And she is also having Lasix, Albumin, antibiotics, Lipid, Morphine, can't remember the name of the muscle relaxant that is keeping her in a drug indused coma...but I don't count those...as she was having most of these (except the morphine etc) upstairs so we are used to having them....so out of the 17 pumps for drugs she started with now there are only 8 i think.

They were talking last night about putting her back on dialysis but when John rang this morning he said that they are happy with her output so are leaving her for now.

She is also handling the suctioning better to as her stats would drop dramatically every time they did it.

Last night she did have quite a high tempreture 38.8 and they did another blood culture to see if it was caused from an infection, but so far all cultures have come back negative.

As much as this all sounds fantastic we are still no where near out of danger and she is still serioulsly ill and could turn at any time, but she is closer to becoming a little bit more stable to be able to handle a transplant.

So the Docs are still being very precautious but we re just trying to enjoy every baby step she makes.

Baby Steps

Well another roller coaster of a day today.

When we got in this morning her blood pressure was down and they had to turn her oxygen back up.

But they thought that some of it may have been caused by low platlette count and as soon as they gave her platlettes her blood pressure picked up.

Then when the Docs came in for their rounds they were happy with some test results and put her oxygen down from 50% to 40% and also turned the occilation (speed of the vibration in the ventilator) down.

They also drop her adreniline down and told us (as we also noticed) that her kidney function was somewhat better.

John and I left fairly early today, so we could set up our bedroom and also pick the kids up from school as we hadn't seen them since Saturday as they had been staying with friends. Plus they also had their school play tonight, so we went and saw them in it and it was great to spend some time with them.

So Mum, Dad, John's Parents, my brother and sister went to the Hospital at different time tonight.

So she has continued to make some more baby steps from when we left.

They have now completely turned her adreniline off.
They dropped the occilation rate of the ventilator down again.
They turned the Octreotide off (the Meds that is used to prevent her from having a bleed)
Also last night they let the balloon down as they don't think she will have another bleed...well hope anyway
She also had lots of different blood products today.

So we still need quite a lot of things to improve just to get her close to a liver transplant and we certainly are not out of the woods...but we like to believe that this is a good sign...any sign is good at the moment. So we are praying hard that it continues and Rani proves to everyone what a fighter she truly is.

I have probably spelt all the medication wrong...but I am sure you know what I am trying to say...lol

Thanks for all the wonderful comments here, via email and SMS...they are truly appreciated and obviously Rani is starting to listen :)

Quick Update

I sit here typing this from the RCH Resource Centre.

What a roller coaster ride we have been on for the last couple of days.
Since my last message we were woken at 5am Sunday morning to a phone call informing us that they were putting Rani on a higher level ventilator. 2 hours later we got another phone call to say that her kidneys had failed and that they needed our permission for a surgeon to put her on dialysis. We were straight up showered and into the Hospital.

It wasn't a very good day Sunday...lots of tears and not very positive as Rani was so sick they didn't think she would make it through the afternoon. BUT (without boring you with the horrific details) our little fighter at about 8pm started to turn around a bit, after being given 2-3% chance of survival for the first time all day there were smiles and John and I actually felt hungry...lol. We had my mum, dad, brother and sister with us for support all day and Johns parents are arriving tonight from Brisbane.

Plus of course the support of everyone with their SMS's, phone call, messages etc.

Today was another stressful day with what we thought was little steps but positive being quashed by her specialist and he arranged a meeting with the Transplant Surgeon, Transplant Co-ordinator and ICU Docs to work out what do with Rani - whether or not it was worthwhile continuing with all the meds. Thankfully they have decided she is worth it and that the little improvements are improvements and they are going to reassess her on a 12 hourly basis.


So in no way are we out of the woods, and Rani is still seriously, seriously ill...but making baby steps towards getting better.

So please keep your prayers, thoughts, fingers, toes crossed because we are sure it is all helping.

I hope this makes sense...i am emotionally and physically exhausted.

ARGH!!!!

What a day.

Started out fine..John went into the Hospital this morning and I stayed home and hung out with Josh and Teagan then at about 2.30 we headed into the Hospital.

Rani was still in a very restless state but John told me that she had had a solid 1.5hrs of sleep, as she didn't sleep really well the night before.

So the kids went home with John and I tried to settle Rani, but her oxygen levels were dropping and her heart beat was increase and her respiration rate jumped from 60 to 80....so our Nurse had the oxygen blowing on her again to try and bring her levels up.

Later in the afternoon a Nurse that had recently left RCH came in to see Rani and give her a birthday present as she worked yesterday and she only got to see restless, upset Rani. Rahter than the happy girl she was used to looking after.

Not long after she left Rani's mouth started to bleed, she is teething...but because her platlettes are so low her blood doesn't clot so it was lots of blood. Then when I looked in her nappy there was blood there as well. So our Nurse decided to ring the Docs to come and see her. The blood in her nappy was from nappy rash and again not clotting. While the Doc was looking in her mouth to try and work out exactly where she was bleeding from Rani was tossing and turning and generally trying to get away from the Doc...and then she just stopped breathing. After firstly telling the Doc she wasn't breathing, then rolling Rani from her back to her side and another 2 times telling the Doc she wasn't breathing, our Nurse suggested the MET call. I had some lovely Nurses giving me cuddles and support which was really appreciated.

Then a MET call was called for Rani's room and the other Doc that was at the Nurses station came in and started bagging her with the mask and bag to try and get her breathing again. ICU charged upstairs and took over and suggested that she be taken downstairs to ICU and intubated. I quickly called John and Mum and John dropped the kids off at Mum and Dad's and rushed into the Hospital.

Once we got down to ICU I was asked to leave while they stabilised Rani and intubated her. First they paralysed her so one she wouldn't feel anything and two so that they didn't have to worry about her moving. Then they put a special tube with a balloon at the end down her throat incase her varices bled, then the ventilator tube. Topped her up with blood, platlettes, vitamin K and lots of other meds. Put a catheta in and also a main line (i think) into an artery in her arm to better manage her blood pressure and other stats.

About an hour after we came down to ICU we were allowed to see Rani and if you ignored the blood on her face and the tubes coming out of her mouth she looked like she was having a beautiful sleep. It was really nice to see her tummy going up and down so nicely without the puffing and straining we usually see.

We are sure that she is now Category 1 nationwide for a transplant, but when we left at 1.30am no one could confirm that it had happened so something we will have to chase up in the morning.

I hope this has made sense it has been a very emotionally draining day. Thanks for the SMS's and emails.