Dreading

the next couple of weeks.

I am not sleeping and when I do sleep I am dreaming of that last horrible week of Rani's life. I can not believe that nearly a year has passed and the pain I feel is the same as the day we lost her.

I am dreading her birthday, to have to go out to her plot to wish her a Happy 2nd Birthday and then one week later placing flowers for the 1 year Anniversary.


I am still so angry that a liver didn't come in time, that her life was cut short, that she was in so much pain, that we didn't get to pick her up for the last couple of months because of that pain. It brings me to tears still and will do forever. I have said it before and it is so true - "you are not meant to outlive your children".

We all feel so robbed, we should be watching her grow - not mourning her, it is just not right.

My sister will be out here from the 24th of the month, as she is in her Best Friends Wedding, so it will be good for her to be with family on her Birthday and Anniversary as I know she felt to helpless being in London when Rani passed, so a little more closure for her.

So I am guessing that I am going to be very quiet trying to deal with the emotions and anger (which is a daily thing) but magnified due to the time of the year.

Thanks for reading my vent - I hope it made sense.