Sad Day!!!!

Today was the day that we put Rani's ashes into the ground...our final good bye...

We went down to Lilydale at4.45pm and picked up rani's ashes from the office then met mum, Dad, my 2 sisters and brother at Rani's plaque.

The people at llydale had lready dug a hole in front of her plaque, so we said our goodbyes and Teagan placed rani into the hole and we all placed some dirt in and then put the grass back on top. Then early in the day Mum had got some roses and gave us two each to place in the vases. I also placed a buddah above her plaque to watch over her.

It was kind of sad, but to me she lives on in my heart and not at Lilydale, if that make sense.

Then we all went out to dinner and some drinks to celebrate Mum's birthday as we were at Teagan's Dancing Concert on the night of her birthday.

12 hours later it is over

Well it is all over so quickly, considering how stressful the build up to christmas is...lol

The kiddies actually slept in this year and I was woken by an SMS from TD...Josh and Teagan awoke at 7.30am, well I actually woke Teagan and they came downstairs to see what Santa had bought them...once again spoilt....then of course back upstairs for more presents from Nana and Grandpa, Aunties Nelle and Becca and Uncle Stevie....I think we need another house to house all the toys.

Christmas lunch and dinner was at Mum and Dads this year...nice as we didn't have to drive anywhere. first Mums side of the family for lunch (32 people) and then Dads side for Dinner (12 people) and by 8.30 pm everyone had left and Christmas was over for another year.

Of course we ate way to much and have been eating chicken and ham for breakfast, lunch and tea....lol....

Hope everyone else had a lovely christmas...thanks for the christmas SMS's :)

My Baby is 10

HAPPY BiRTHDAY JOSHUA

My little boy is so excited to make it to double digits today...lol...the big 1-0

He has been very spoilt today and with Santa tomorrow I am sure will have more than enough to keep him entertained over the School Holidays!

We did the trip to McDonalds for dinner and came home for cake and then finished setting up for Christmas Lunch and Dinner and watched some Carol and now the kiddies are tucked up in bed awaiting Santas arrival.

Mum has all her kids and Grandkiddies under the one roof tonight, with my sister home from London, us living here, my brother decided to stay the night as well, so we will all be together Christmas morning.

once again everyone have a Lovely Christmas.

I think!!!!

I am finally organised...lol

I thought having the kiddies finishing School on Thursday would make getting all my Christmas shopping easy and quick...lol...but with a trip with John last night to Know at midnight (for the 24 hour trading) I picked up the last couple of things needed for Christmas Day and those we are not seeing until after Christmas I will get later.

We got caught in the rain yesterday...but we didn't mind, it really poured down last night but we need it...so it doesn't look like it will be a very warm Christmas Day, but if the rain helps with the areas where all the fires are, we don't mind the rain.

Well I would like to wish everyone a MERRY CHRISTMAS and Fabulous NEW YEAR and thank everyone for their support this year - it has been truly appreciated....I am not asking for a better 2007 as i think I cursed myself by saying that 2006 was going to be my year - but i am sure 2007 can't be any worse than this year...lol
I can't believe the tomorrow my little boy will be double digits - the big 10 - he is so excited reminding everyone that tomorrow is his birthday and making sure that everyone has bought him a present and of course a Christmas present for the following day as well...lol

So I guess that is about it...I don't think I will on much from now until the New Year...with spending time with Danielle before she goes back to London, to Rani's service and catching up with friends and family I think next week will be a big blur.

So enjoy your time with your family or whoever you spend it with at Christmas...we are having Christmas lunch and dinner here this year, so it will be great to catch up with some of my relos you only see once a year.

OK here is a pic of teagan ready to dance the other night and once again the deepest thanks to everyone for your support this year.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY and she's Home!!

Firstly a huge

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
to my Mum

what a way to spend your birthday at the airport picking my sister up at 2am this morning...

SO yes Danielle has landed and is home for Christmas...haven't seen a lot of her today as she is sleeping as we are off to Teagan's Dancing Concert tonight...share pics later

WHY!!!!

why do I do silly things...lol

OK so John works nights and instead of going to bed for an hour and then getting woken up at midnight I stay up until he leaves. We the other night there was nothing on TV and I stopped on a show about a family that runs a Funeral Home...well I have seen it before and think that it is funny...the bickering that is...but this nights show was a little baby that they were arranging the funeral for...i was in tears but decided that I had to be strong and watch it rather than turn the channel...even telling John not to watch...John eventually turned the channel...but I don't know why I couldn't / wouldn't change the channel. Was I finding some relief in being able to relate to the families pain...understanding what the people behind the scenes did and seeing their emotions to it all...I don't know all I know that it has put me down in the dumps even more...that today I didn't even get out of my PJ's.

Well on to other stuff...enough depressing stuff.

Being the bad mummy that I am I forgot to take photos of the kiddies on Friday when they had their 'crazy dress' day at school. they had to take a tin of food for the Salvation Army. Josh wore his t-shirt and pants backwards, had odd socks on and his jacket was inside out. Teagan on the other hand wore her clothes normally except for the odd socks and also wore a purple cape and footy hat. Some of the other kiddies at school went really crazy, with undies on the outside of their pants, fancy dress costumes...it really was a sight to see.

So I dropped Josh and Teagan off at School and went straight to the shops...9.15am and the car park was already 1/2 full. I was shopping for me...lol...I found myself a pair of earrings that are from my sister for our KK and also a pair of shoes that is for our cousins KK - as my brother was buying for me it was easier for me to just buy them andhim give me the money...then I also found a cute pair of shoes to go with the dress that I bought for Christmas Day.

So I think I am almst ready...after finally sorting out the kiddies...I just have Mum and Dad (but we are all going in for that), Johns parents, John present from the kiddies and my Nana so not to much more...I am hitting the shops first thing Monday morning and not leaving until it is all done.

I am getting very excited as Danielle arrives the wee hours of tuesday morning...i am guessing that everyone will be having nana naps during the day as that night is teagan dancing concert - plus it is also Mums birthday.

Well I guess that is about it...still no scrapping, hopefully once the madness of Christmas and Rani's Memorial is over...iwill feel a little less stressed, a little more human and in the mood to scrap.

EVERYONE give your kiddies an extra cuddle tonight and tell them how much you love them... while I was in the jewellery store I was listening to a mother telling her maybe 4 year old daughter that she could go and live somewhere else that she had had enough...the poor little thing was already in tears as she lost her mum when she came into the shop and then to be told that. i wanted to shake the woman and tell her to love her as one day she could be gone. I didn't say a thing although I did give her a look...lol...yep Chrsitmas time is a frustrating time to be at the shops but I really don't like hearing that stuff out of mothers mouths...ok off my soap box now.

Thanks everyone for their lovely comments here and on email :)

I hate Liars!!!!

Well I took the kids out shopping tonight and on the way home from the shops we go past where we used to live...you remember the place that we were asked to move out of because the owners had decided that they wanted to move back in...the place that the owners tried to sue us for renovations of the house...like painting, re-carpeting and the list goes on...the place that we were also told just before we moved out (in the worst time of our lives) that we could extend the lease until December...well we now know why as there is a huge For Sale sign out the front. I did a quick search of realestate.com.au and found the house. i guess they thought they were going to try and get money for the feature walls, the new carpet, well that was all I could see from the photos. Mind you they got nothing from us...the small bond is all they got for some petty bits and pieces and we couldn't be bothered fighting them for it...as our lives were in turmoil without more crap.

Now i understand that at times you need to sell investment properties...we have done it with our house in QlD and we told the tenant that is what we were doing...but to lie and say that they were moving in and it was such a rush for us to get out...but then to try and extend it and our friends tolds us that it has been empty since we moved out....it just makes me so angry that people come out with these petty plans rather than just speaking the truth...we wouldn't have minded moving out if they told us they were selling up...I mean the last place we rented while we were building told us they were selling and even asked us if we wanted to buy it...lol...

OK end of rant just needed to get it off my chest

Crazy Times

Is it January yet!!!

I would really like this year to be over and done with...I am not feeling in the least bit Christmassy...I am stressed out, haven't finished shopping, have a mountain of things to do and feel depressed that i don't have my baby at home with me for Christmas and of course this would be the first Christmas that she really would get some idea of what was going on.

Well I don't feel as though I am getting anything done, yet I haven't stopped. I seem to be spending most days at shopping centres looking for that something and most days coming home empty handed.

Teagans dancing concert is coming up this Tuesday so they have been having extra practises Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night...

PLUS my sister also arrives in the wee hours tuesday morning, spoke to her last night and am starting to get excited over her visit.

Also got a call yesterday from Lilydale and they have got the correct plaque in and were changing it over today, so we are going to have our Memorial Service on 28th December, as a family event when we place Rani's ashes in the ground and say our final goodbyes....so not looking forward to that.

2006 has just been a horrible year for us and I want it to end. I don't think 2007 is going to hold any miracles but it can't be anywhere near as bad as this year.

It is so hard some days and I can honestly see how couples don't make it after the death of a child. NO John and I are not seperating, we are fine....of course we have had some tense times as we are both at different stages of grieving and of course snappy and you take it out on the person closest to you...of course my punching bag would be John. It has been somewhat of a blessing being at home with Mum and Dad as they understand what we are all going through. But asI said things are fine and we can only take things day by day and try to understand our emotions and deal with our grieving inour own ways.


Well it is still so smoky outside...there is a constant haze everywhere...i should have grabbed my camera and taken a pic of the sun yesterday morning...it was glowing red....today isn't as bad, but it is alot warmer and the wind has picked up, so i hope it doesn't effect the fires...hopefully we will get the much needed rain that is forecast for tomorrow.

Well I had better get organised...have to do some little things to Teagans dancing costume, finish making presents for the teachers and work out what the kiddies are going to wear to school tomorrow for Crazy Dress Day...thankfully they still have another wek left of school so i can become a little more organised...lol

Hot and Smoky

Argh!!! another hot day today...it was 35 degrees at 11am. But it is not the heat it is the smoke. We are a fair distance from the fires, so in no danger, but the smoke is thick here and the smell is horrible. I hope everyone in the fire areas are safe.

Here is a pic from upstairs I took a couple of weeks ago towards the mountains....














here is the same view with all the smoke.













so it is hot, hot, hot and I can't be bothered doing anything, so we are going to vegge out on the couch and all watch a DVD together

OK I have also tried a new auction site to sell some of my excess scrapping supplies...check it out here

More...lol

Well 2 posts in one day...aren't you lucky...lol

well it is getting closer and closer to Chrsitmas and I am really not getting into the Christmas Spirit at all. Josh had me stressed out for birthday and Christmas presents (all sorted now) - I only have the rest of teh family to buy for...lol

Plus of course my sister is arriving on the 19th and as excited as I am about seeing her I am saddened at the reason she is coming...so I constantly have in the back of mind the memorial service we will be holding for Rani. I got a phone call for the Cremetorium yesterday to say that her placque had been placed in the Rose Garden but there was a mistake, the hadn't set aside the area for her photo - but they put the plaque in as they knew that we needed for my sister. After having coffee with a friend this morning (and more little bubba cuddles) I headed down to Lilydale and saw the plaque - it was very strange, i felt nothing...i was quite anxious driving down but reading the plaque didn't upset me. I explained it to John that i guess atm her ashes aren't there so she isn't there and also she is in my heart and if I want to talk to her I just do it, I don't need one place to visit here..if that makes sense. well the plaque to me didn't look to bad, there is a space for the photo but it hasn't been raised. while I was down at Lilydale the lady from their called home to say that her photo had arrived and whether we want it placed on this plaque or to wait until the new one arrives. I will call her tomorrow and work it out.

OK some happier news, on Sunday i got the exciting news that I had been accepted on to the OTP section of Scrapbooking 4 Less Design Team....I can't wait to start :)

I have been feeling really run down lately...tired constantly and not able to sleep. well it all caught up with me on Tuesday...i just couldn't keep my eyes open and slept all day. i was going to have a little nap and head of to the City - Federation Square and watch Teagan sing in the School Choir but didn't get up until 3pm. thankfully a friend and scrapper...lol...went and took photos of Teagan while she was taking pics of her daughter.

also after doing all the pages for the school's album I finally did a LO for me. this is my challenge LO for 123 Challenge. you had to use B&W photo/s, starts and ribbon and i am really happy with how it turned out.

They are Done!!!!

I have finished my LO's for the kiddies school. Every year some of the mothers do pages for an album for that years School Production. this years play was Aladdin.

Here are my LO's
Not the most exciting LO's but with the dark backgrounds i just wanted to make the photos stand out.

A New Day

Well yesterday I think I should have just stayed in bed...lol

Firstly i promised the kiddies that when they got home from school we would put up the Christmas Tree. well as some of you know we are living with Mum and Dad at the moment and most of our stuff is under the house in storage.

Well after dropping the kiddies at school I came home and headed under the house. From the door i could see the box for the Christmas Tree as I had asked John to keep it near the front...so i grabbed that out...but no sight of the decorations...as life was kind of hell when we were told we had to move the removalist packed everything up for us...so i have no idea where most of my stuff is.....so after looking as much as i could I have to assume that they have put my box of decorations into a larger box.

No problem i think to myself as I wanted new decorations with a colour theme...so i guess that would be starting this year and when we find the box of decorations I will take out the important decorations and throw out the rest. So off to the shops I go and I just bought a little bit of tinsel and some baubles.

When we got home it was almost time to get the kiddies from school so i thought I would set the tree up on the ground with the branches in the order that they get put on the tree. WELL the box is half empty and I only have a couple of the branches in the box...all we canassume is that because the box was overflowing rather than squash the branches, the removalist have put the rest of the branches into another box...ARGH!!!...so it is back to the shops today to buy a new Christmas Tree....just what I needed.

Couple that with a son (who is turning 10 Xmas Eve) and still has no idea what he wants for his birthday or Christmas...i am getting mighty stressed out...lol

Although on Thursday night my family took me out for my belated Birthday Dinner to our favourite Chinese Restaurant - we have been going there since I was little - and we had a great night out and lots of laughs - so that was nice.

Also I am doing a major scrap clean up and getting rid of excess / must have item and have placed them on Ebay - check out the link in the side bar or click here.

Also thank you everyone for your kind words about my last post :)

Life!!!!

Well today is 3 months since my life changed forever and every day is still a struggle.

i thought this new song was nice and also appropriate....

'I would hold you in my arms
and take your pain away'

What I would do for one more cuddle, not to see the pain in my babies eyes...i still feel so robbed, and I am guessing this pain will never go away. But not only don't I have my baby girl, i didn't get to hold her for the last couple of months of her life as she was so swollen it hurt when she was picked up. I felt so guilty when I did pick her up for a quick cuddle that pain on her face was horrible to see.

I have been looking back at some of the photos and they bring me to tears...I just didn't notice the size of her belly, the pained looked in her eyes, as long as I got a smile I was happy. i guess going in daily I just grew used to seeing her and saw the light that wasn't meant to be...i would just picture that she had to go through this and then when she got her new liver she would catch up with all that she was robbed of.

So with the combination of christmas - which i am not feeling Christmassy at all and some important decisions that are on my mind constantly I have been withdrawing a bit...focussing on my family and not other things - as they are not what is most important to me at the moment and pety other things aren't worth worrying about.